The Rest Is Silence
by amidoh
Summary: A long time ago, Starscream was altered drastically and irreversably. The cause was erased from his memory. After the amnesia is broken by a single trigger, Starscream searches the past to uncover the terrible, deceit ridden truth about his purpose.
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer**: I don't, have never and will never, hold any claim over the Transformers franchise. All writings hereonin, apart from my Author Notes, are merely for my own amusement and are not intended in any way to make money or break copyright laws.

**Author Note**: At the time of writing this first chapter, there are no explicit pairings in mind. There will most likely be chapters focussing on the Starscream of the past and his relationship with Skyfire, but I am not much of a mecha!love fan XP. The rating is mostly for themes that I'm not sure about presenting to a young audience.

**Other Author Note: **This first chapter will probably be rather confusing. Bear with me, it's meant to be disjointed so that it doesn't give away the plot. As the plot goes, it's specifically _not_ AU. Most information of note is taken from either Transformers G1 (before the 1986 movie) or Beast Wars (if only because I've not yet watched any of the other series).

**Last Author Note:** I am _very_ much a Starscream fan, one of those "love to love" him rather than a "love to hate" him. As such, this fanfic will lean in his favour.

---

_Again, it's going on again. Why do they jeer? I am just like them. Just like them. Just the same as them. Why do they call me such names? Do I hurt them like they hurt me, then? _

_Why do they call me insane? _

_Why do they leave me when I call out to them? Don't leave me. Don't. All alone, here, don't leave me. I... I want to be with you. I want to be friends with you too. I want to speak with you. I want you to laugh with me. Not at me. I want to be loved. Don't leave me all alone._

_He doesn't._

_Who is he? He's just another person. He's just another one of them. But he doesn't leave. Primus, he's tall. He's still there? Yes, he's still there. He's studying. Science, like me._

_Oh. He's laughing at me too. No. No he isn't. Wait. He's smiling. It's not cruel. Bubbles of warmth. This is happy. I'm happy. Yes, happy._

_I got pushed down again. It was... who was it? Don't know. Don't care. Another nameless face. They're all the same. I'm not like them. Not at all. That's why they jeer. That's why they kick me. Kick, kick, kick. Dents are nothing. Nothing I haven't had before. Dents can be straightened out again. Kick. Kick away. Kick your life away._

_Now he's there. Now... now my friend is there. He's there. He's protecting me. He's between me and them. He's stopping them. He's shouting at them. I can smile now. I can be happy now. He's protecting me. I'm not insane when he's protecting me._

_Wait._

_Wait._

_What was it? Who is this? Everything fades. I was happy. I had happiness. I had contentment. What happened? Where is it? What happens in the void? This inky black swallows me. It engulfs my memory. It takes him from me. Where is everyone?_

_Where is my happiness? It's all gone. My warm feeling. Gone. Gone, gone, gone, like it said it wouldn't be. Where is it? I want it. I want my warmth. I want to be secure. I want my confidence. Where is he? His name? What was his name? Primus, he was so tall. Where is Tall gone?_

_There's metal. So much metal. Buzz. Is that the metal buzzing? Wait. I'm metal. Is that me buzzing? Buzz. Buzz. I'm not insane. Buzz. Screech. It's screeching. That's not healthy. What is screeching? Someone must be injured. Horrible noise. Someone must be injured. Badly. Injured. Blackness._

_Wait._

_No!_

_It's me. I'm injured. I'm buzzing and screeching and injured. Broken. I'm broken. That metal is my metal... Black. Inky darkness. I don't remember._

_Ah..._

_Pain. There's pain. Everywhere. Make it stop. Please make it stop. Make it go away. Someone, please, someone. Take it all away. Take it out of me. Don't let me stay here. I hate pain._

_Terrible pain. _

_I want to cry out. Help me. Help me, I want to cry out, where is my voice? It feels... it feels like I am being torn in two. Like my essence is being ripped apart. Like my very spark is being split. Help me. Don't leave me. Help me. I don't want to die. Don't let me die. _

_It feels like my spark is being ripped in two..._


	2. Chapter 1

**Author Note: **I am actually amazed at the number of story alerts/reviews that this has got in the first day. I really don't know what to say, other thank "thank you" and "I hope you stay with me until the end".

**Edit:** It seems that does not like percentage signs. Ho hum.

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**The Rest Is Silence**

**Chapter 1 - I Am Starscream!**

Starscream was seething. It took all his self control not to slam his fist into the screen of the computer, which was resolutely displaying the same calculation that it had shown a day and a half ago. 93.7 percent chance of success? Pull the other one, it's got an Autobot hanging off it.

Enough was _enough_. There had been too many days spent upon this Primus-forsaken planet, gathering energy. The whole operation could have been over by now, the Decepticon forces back on Cybertron already while Autobot parts rusted in this world's unpredictable, disgusting climate, if only Megatron would just _listen_ to him. 93.7 percent chance of success, the computer said. That left a 6.3 percent chance that the Autobots would arrive just in time to kick some proverbial. More frustratingly, they always _did_. Starscream would run a calculation of success for every one of Megatron's schemes, and they all turned up high chances of success, and perversely, the Autobots always seemed to win.

What was even more frustrating was that, often, it was because of small details that Megatron managed to overlook. That 6 percent chance of failure would rocket up to a 60 percent chance of failure because the ineffable Decepticon leader would overlook one of the humans being allowed to live. Megatron considered the small, fleshy, delicate creatures too insignificant to waste time and resources eradicating them, but they were quickly becoming a nuisance.

The Air Commander rubbed his temples irritably. He knew that, if _he_ were to lead the Decepticon forces, these small details would not be overlooked. The Autobots would fail. The Decepticons would return to Cybertron victorious. Yet... Starscream knew that, despite his constant threats and backstabbing, he never _would_ lead. Megatron was...

In short, Megatron was created to lead. He was powerful, strong, resourceful, intelligent, military-minded, slightly crazed and he commanded a great deal of respect from those in his forces. Starscream, on the other hand, held almost no respect from his peers, was trusted by none of them and, while powerful, prefered his inherent speed and cunning to get the job done.

Besides which, Starscream had never really managed to bring himself to harm Megatron in any lasting way. At the last minute, something always made him jerk his null ray back, or shy away from the victory that was otherwise in his grasp, and he could not understand it.

Although, he thought to himself, this whole fiasco could be avoided if Megatron would just _listen_ to him every once in a while. While Megatron was, indeed, not the best at taking advice from others, he still knew when it was good to do so. He would willingly accept advice and information from, say, Soundwave and his cassettes, but it seemed that he had an aversion to taking _anything_ Starscream had to say seriously. Even when the advice was good, and following it would lead to certain victory, the only response Starscream got in return for his troubles was to be mocked, called weak, or some other humiliating derogatory remark along those lines. It was as though Megatron viewed Starscream as something to be kept around for nothing more than comic relief, despite the seeker's abilities and his efficiency. It was as though Megatron was physically unable to listen to anything that came from Starscream's mouth. It was infuriating.

If that was the case, though, then why had Megatron made Starscream his second-in-command? It was contradictory; it made no sense. If Starscream was as useless as Megatron so frequently told him, then why had he been promoted above the others? Above even Soundwave, whom Megatron (to an extent) trusted? It was almost as though Megatron had given Starscream the position simply to highlight the fact that he would never be able to advance further, to thus illustrate what a failure the seeker and all his ambitions were.

A low growl came from the commander as he willed himself to stop thinking such aggravating thoughts. The time for self pity was gone, and it was now time for action. One of Soundwave's cassettes - was it Ravage this time? Starscream could never be bothered to keep track of who was out and who was home - had infiltrated a conference of human scientists. A large amount of kerosine was to be transported across the country. While the jet fuel was not the ideal source for energon cubes, beggars could not be choosers. What made the prospect of hijacking the shipment even more interesting was that the humans had asked the Autobots to protect them. Starscream clenched his hand and allowed himself a grin, relishing the thought of the retribution he could reap upon the enemy.

As plans went, Megatron's was simple but effective. When the shipment passed through the canyons of Utah, the Decepticons would unleash a quick but lethal air strike, destroying everything they could and then retreating with the cargo rather than staying and fighting to the bitter end, as they so often did. It was... not like Megatron's usual schemes. Megatron was all for showing his power, fighting until the odds were so against him that he could do nothing but retreat or die. This strategy was much more to Starscream's ideals. He, lacking Megatron's raw firepower, and the confidence to flaunt what he had, preferred hit-and-run, speed over strength, brains above brawn...

Perhaps Megatron was actually beginning to listen to him after all?

Ha... what a ridiculous idea. Megatron would listen to Starscream when he was dead, and not before. Whatever. Starscream had his orders. He was to fly low among the Autobots, creating a distraction while the main Decepticon forces attacked from behind. Essentially, he was to be a moving target. Well, sod that. Time to exercise the little command he had over his wingmates. Hmm. Now which seeker should he victimise? Ah, yes. Skywarp. A good soldier, if prone to lapses in attention and logic.

"Skywarp," the Air Commander called in his hoarse voice, "I have orders for you. Take my place as the decoy tomorrow."

"Ah ah." Skywarp shook his head. "Get a clue. Get someone else to do your dirty work, Screamer, I'm out."

Starscream showed an amazing amount of self-control when he did not succumb to the urge to throttle Skywarp for using that belittling nickname. Instead, the seeker merely smiled almost sweetly, speaking in a silky, soothing voice:

"If all goes well, Skywarp, I'll see to it that you are promoted..."

It was like taking a donkey to a minefield and showing it the carrot on the other side. Starscream could almost see Skywarp's thought processes, running something along the lines of 'This is _promotion_ insane. This mission is _promotion_ suicide. I'm going to be _promotion_ cannon fodder _promotion._ I'm going to end up as total _promotion promotion_. I'm going to get a great big stonking _promotion_ promotion...'

"All right, Starscream." The black mech conceded eventually. "I'll do it. But you better follow up on that promotion, you hear me?"

"Of course. Of course." Starscream chuckled to himself as Skywarp walked away. You had to know what really turned your subordinates on, if you were going to successfully manipulate them. Despite Megatron's plans having a tendancy to be outright failures even with 100 percent calculated success, tomorrow was shaping up to be a good day indeed. Mood elevated immensely, Starscream left the bridge, heading towards his own quarters to recharge.

Oh yes, tomorrow would be very good indeed.


	3. Chapter 2

**Author Note: **Thank you to all my readers. Writing fanfiction would be pointless if not for you.

**Another Author Note:** Wow, I'm updating quick, huh? That's because I'm at university but lectures haven't yet started, so I want to get as much of this done as I can before I actually have to do real work. From Monday, I reckon updates will be less frequent.

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**The Rest Is Silence**

**Chapter 2 - A Most Volatile Memory**

From his vantage point atop the bluff looking down into the canyon below, Starscream shook his head in disbelief. The Autobots were stupid. They set themselves up for attack by travelling through places like this. It would probably have been safer for them to travel along the highway, rather than take the narrow, windy road through the thin crevice between sheer cliff faces. There was only just enough room for them to advance in pairs, which gave them an automatic disadvantage because, unlike the Decepticons, they were grounded and could not take to the freedom of the air... and what with the ground around here being so dry, it had been the work of a moment for Rumble to engineer a landslide further along the pass.

The Autobots had, effectively, trapped themselves. It was so ridiculous that it was almost funny.

It also showed how much the Decepticons were slipping, if they could be defeated at every turn by such a bunch of _fools_. Fools who would leave themselves open to ambush instead of taking a safer route that would, Primus forbid, _risk human lives_. Their altruism and concern for the inferior, organic species of this planet was sickening, and what was even more sickening was that they kept _winning_, lending proof to that time-old saying "Good will always defeat Evil". Well... today would be different. Today would be a chance to get rid of Optimus Prime _and_ Megatron. Starscream would be damned if he would allow himself to falter at the last minute again, as he always had before.

It was simple. The pass was narrow and the fighting would be swift but intense. In the confusion, who would notice if a high-powered blast from a null ray accidentally hit Megatron in the back? It could be blamed on any one of the Autobots later, and Starscream would finally be able to take the place that was surely his by right... whether he would be able to _hold_ that position was a different matter, but that was a problem that could be faced when it presented itself. Starscream was nothing if not resourceful and tricky. If there were dissenters, he would find a way of turning them against each other.

The Air Commander glanced along the ridge. Thundercracker was in position next to him, Skywarp was standing behind them both, and Soundwave was by Megatron's side on the other side of the crevice. The other Decepticons were hidden about the cliff faces, waiting for the approaching Autobots to come within range.

Megatron did not yet know that Starscream had switched his duties with Skywarp, the seeker deciding not to risk anything that could result in his leader's wrath inflicted upon him. Although, truth be told, it shouldn't have been a problem; Skywarp flew with as much skill as Starscream, and at a similar speed. The switch would not have any negative consequences, but it would still anger Megatron when he found out. That, Starscream supposed, was simply down to Megatron's perpetual desire to visit hurt upon his second-in-command.

"All right, Skywarp." The dark-faced mech went over the orders with his wingmates again, voice quiet. "When Megatron gives the signal, fly straight towards them and fire to kill. As soon as they start shooting on you, go on the defensive and just dodge it."

"I _got_ it, Starscream!" Came the irritable, slightly tense response. Skywarp was obviously having an attack of nerves at the prospect of being live bait. "I _got_ it, just like I got it the last four times you told me! Unlike _you_, I'm not a screw up, and I'm capable of rememberin' orders for more than five minutes after I was given them!"

"Then Thundercracker and I will go in and retrieve the kerosine while the others give us cover." Starscream continued, ignoring his subordinate's outburst. Unless he was visited by exceptional flying skill, and maybe a bit of luck, Skywarp would be dead by the end of the day anyway. There was no need to start a pointless argument and risk distracting him even more.

Especially not now that the Autobots were almost within range.

Wordlessly, Skywarp transformed, rolling a little further towards the edge of the cliff. Amazingly, against all the odds, he had calmed down, seeming to finally have accepted the inevitable - or perhaps he was merely confident in his ability to survive the day.

"Kick some Autobot keister for me." Thundercracker murmured, just before Starscream motioned for silence. The commander stared over at the approaching enemy, easily able to make out the large, box-like shape of Optimus Prime's lorry form, and identifying the accompanying robots one by one. There was Hound, there was Jazz, there was Ironhide, there was that little irritating yellow one that kept battering his shin plates in every skirmish... there was Wheeljack, there Ratchet, there the unmistakable bulk of the traitor Skyfire...

Skyfire was still a sore point to Starscream, who was unable to accept his old friend's defection. After Starscream had been so excited to find the frozen body, after he had been so concerned, making sure that Soundwave reactivated him... Skyfire had repayed his troubles by refusing to follow orders and helping the enemy before burying himself in the snow again. At some point the Autobots had rescued him _again_, and he had been all too happy to join them. It was hypocritical, after he had been reluctant to join the Decepticons because he was a "scientist, not a warrior"... he could easily have use that same argument to leave the Autobots, but it seemed he was happy doing _their_ bidding.

Starscream shook his head to clear it. Who cared what that overgrown lump of mismatched parts was doing with his life? It was of no consequence. The past in which they had been friends and studied together was distant and irretrievable. Better to forget it, lest it become a festering weakness.

Ah-_ha_. The Autobots had stopped moving, noticing that their way was blocked by the results of Rumble's rockslide. In the brief moments during which they transformed into their robot modes and tried to decide on a course of action, Starscream motioned for Skywarp to attack. The black seeker raced out of hiding, swooping down on the unsuspecting Autobots and firing several rounds of shots while most were still helpless, halfway between vehicle and humanoid forms.

"Decepticons! Autobots, defend yourselves!" Prime's voice carried the orders, and orange beams were suddenly flying this way and that as the Autobots tried to bring Skywarp down.

"NOW, DECEPTICONS!" Megatron's screamed order carried along the chasm as he goaded his followers into action. The air was alive with deadly lances of purple and orange as sworn enemies met in combat. With a nod of his head, Starscream indicated that Thundercracker should follow him as both seekers transformed and flew down towards the truck that carried the barrels of kerosine. From out of nowhere, Skywarp appeared beside them, laughing as the electrical equivalent of adrenaline coursed through his circuits.

"Ha _ha_! One for the count, going _doooown_!" The dark-coloured mech yelled in exhiliration, levelling his lasers at Optimus Prime and firing with deadly accuracy. On seeing the hated enemy fall, Starscream pulled away from his target of the precious fuel, heading towards the fallen Prime in triumph as Skywarp fired at two of the other Autobots who had seen their leader injured. The sweet feeling of victory in his mind, Starscream aimed at Prime as he tried to stand, charging his twin weapons, savouring the moment.

"Oh, I _will_ enjoy this..." He hissed to himself, drawing closer to his prey with each moment, and, had his jet form had a face, it would have been grinning sadistically.

Just before Starscream fired his lasers at the helpless Prime, a flash of white and red blurred his vision as Skyfire moved between the fallen robot and his assailant. The huge scientist stared unflinchingly up at his old friend, arms spread as he protected Optimus from further harm, and, in that split second, Starscream's world fell apart.

_He's there_.

The unexpected thoughts halted Starscream's attack, but he was travelling too fast to slow down.

_He's protecting me. Primus, he's so tall. What was his name?_

_Skyfire, it was Skyfire!_

"...ream. Starscream, come in." Skywarp's voice came in over the radio that the seekers used for communication. "You're flying too low!"

"I..." Starscream's voice sounded distant to his own audio receptors. Something was wrong.

_I'm happy. My warm feeling. Going..._

"Pull up, Starscream, for Primus' sake! _Pull up!_"

"I..."

_Pain... pain, terrible pain, help me, take it away, help me, painpainpainpainPAIN_

_  
SKYFIRE!_

The surge of electrical memory impulses overloaded Starscream's cranial capacitators. Something had to give, and it did. The charge caused one of the main cerebral connectors to short-circuit, causing Starscream to shift back into his robot form as he lost all control of his body. He was vaguely aware of the sheer, unmoveable rock face looming up before him as he hurtled towards it, and, somewhere, he registered the pain as his entire left side crunched in on itself on impact. Then his functions shut themselves down as his body forced him into emergency stasis to attempt to repair the existing damage before any more was done.

Skywarp stared down at the smoking pile of rock and metal debris that, until a moment ago, had been a loud-mouthed Decepticon officer. What the hell had Starscream been _thinking_? He was much better at flying than _that_! That crash had been a novice mistake, someone of Starscream's calibre could have easily turned in time to avoid the cliff. As he was toying with ideas to fly down to the wreckage and see if Starscream was salvagable, Thundercracker's voice came in over the radio:

"Skywarp, Starscream, I've got the fuel. We're pulling out. Megatron's orders."

"What about Starscream? He's crashed, it looks like he's badly damaged." Skywarp relayed over the intercom. There was a brief pause, probably while Thundercracker reported this to Megatron.

"Leave him. He's useless to us now. Get yourself out. Meet back at the headquarters. Over and out."

Skywarp spared Starscream one last glance before flying away. He felt little remorse at leaving the other Decepticon behind; there was not much love lost between the two of them, who were both constantly at a head with each other in their vying for power. Skywarp, who was endlessly loyal to Megatron, could not understand how Starscream, a known traitor, had been promoted over him - but it looked as though all that conflict was in the past. With Starscream out of commission, it looked like Skywarp really _would_ get the promotion he had been promised only yesterday, and this was a very welcome thought indeed.

And, far below, a tall white Autobot was frantically moving rocks from where Starscream had fallen.


	4. Chapter 3

**The Rest Is Silence**

**Chapter 3 - Skyfire**

Even if the Autobots were poor warriors, they made up for it by being _excellent_ engineers.

That they had managed to repair Starscream at all was proof enough of that. The Decepticon's left side had been almost completely crushed, and the circuitry fault in his head had melted down part of the structure of his black helmet, but, remarkably, he had still been alive. This was a great, yet slightly guilty, relief to the lone Autobot who sat watching the unconscious mech through the bars of concentrated energy that formed the cage.

After the Decepticons had fled the battle site with their cargo, Skyfire had desperately tried to extract the severely-damaged Starscream from the rubble, somehow unable to believe that his wingmates and his leader would leave him behind so callously, yet realising he should have expected such behaviour. Oh, Cliffjumper had called him a traitor, Ironhide had been outraged that he was 'sympathising with the enemy' and Brawn had attempted to beat him upside the head to 'whack some sense into that ol' tin can', but... in all honesty, when Skyfire had seen Starscream lose control and careen into the cliff face, he had not seen the Decepticon officer. He had only seen his old friend from Cybertron - that innocent, lonely little mech with a big heart, an easy smile and an unquenchable thirst for knowledge.

So, upon hauling the seeker, who was drifting in and out of consciousness, out of the debris, he had requested that the Autobots repair him as best they could. Naturally, this had lead to a tirade of insults and suspicions, many of said robots being righteously indignant at the prospect of repairing the enemy. They had, quite rightfully, pointed out that Starscream had spent the best part of several million years attempting to rip their microchips out of their noses. They had also, again quite rightfully, reminded Skyfire that the entire reason that they had been shooting their orange-coloured lasers at all was to _cause bodily harm to the Decepticons_, and that _repairing_ that bodily harm made their efforts a little redundant. One less Decepticon to worry about was a very good thing, was the feeling of the group. Then Jazz had remembered that Skyfire and Starscream had been friends, long ago, and he had reminded Skyfire that, even if _he_ still cared for Starscream, Starscream most certainly did _not_ care for him. That Starscream had shot holes through Skyfire's chest twice already should be proof enough of that.

But Skyfire had calmly, almost mournfully, explained that he simply wanted to know _why_. Since his rescue from his icy prison, he had not had a chance to just speak with his old friend. That much at least, he reasoned, was owed to him - by Starscream and by the Autobots. Besides, he had added upon seeing some of the more tenacious mechs glaring at him, Starscream was a coward _and_ a high-ranking officer. He was probably a veritable goldmine of information and, with the right 'persuasion', he would give it up easily.

A little more discussion had coaxed even the most fiery-tempered of the Autobots into admitting, albeit grudgingly, that having a Decepticon prisoner would be a welcome boon in their war, and so Starscream had been transported back to the Autobot headquarters, where Ratchet and Wheeljack had worked their technical magic.

The two of them really were amazing, Skyfire thought to himself as he watched Starscream's prone form. There was barely a mark left on the seeker to show of his injuries. He had even been meticulously repainted to disguise the areas where rock had scored the metal of his exostructure (even if Ratchet _hated_ Starscream, the medic was somewhat of a perfectionist and, once he had started a job, it had to be finished to the best of his abilities).

Now all that was left was to wait for Starscream to wake from stasis.

Skyfire... _missed_ Starscream. Although he had been gone from the seeker's life for almost eight million years, it seemed like mere months ago that the two had set off to explore Earth. Skyfire had not been active for the time they had been apart; as far as he was concerned, all that elapsed between his crashing and Starscream's reviving him _was_ mere months, but for Starscream... time had continued to move on. Life had changed. Something had happened that had caused a drastic turnaround in his personality. Oh, Starscream had spent his fair share of time in stasis too - four million years was no short instant - but so had all of those he interacted with on a regular basis. For them, it was like waking up after a long sleep; nothing had changed between them. Not like it had for Skyfire.

The large white mech found himself reminiscing about better days. The Starscream of the past had been... indescribable. Of course, Starscream still _was_ indescribable, but back then, on Cybertron, he had been almost adorable, one of those rare few who manages to keep that childish innocence and naivete despite the trials of adulthood. He had a desire to know everything and anything, and had spent much of his time with his eyes glued to a computer screen, absorbing the information shown there. As such, and because he had been somewhat of a pacifist and of slighter build than many of the other robots in attendance at the Cybertron Science Academy, he had been an easy target for harassment.

Back then, Starscream had hardly spoken to anyone, out of choice rather than estrangement by his peers. He had been a solitary type, severely uncomfortable around those he did not know. He had had no friends at the Academy because he did not wish for any; he was perfectly happy to spend day after day with historical records and scientific theories, learning, assimilating... but this meant that he had no one to turn to when he wished to retreat from his tormentors. By the time Skyfire had found him, which had been one afternoon when the tall Transformer had walked into a small group kicking a prone figure on the floor, Starscream had built up a sort of immunity to the pain. He did not ever cry out or ask for help, or even plead for it to stop, but, even after he had become firm friends with Skyfire, he had tended to shy away from others.

From the day Skyfire had shooed those boisterous robots away from their uncomplaining victim, Starscream had latched himself on to his newfound companion. Skyfire, a natural recluse, thought at first that this would be irritating, but he had found that Starscream's company was far from that; instead of grating his nerves, it was thoroughly enjoyable. The smaller scholar had a brilliant mind. He was sharp, intuitive, and terribly enthusiastic. Conversations with him often led to theories, and theories often led to the two of them spending night after night in laboratories, conducting experiment after experiment (though so many of them seemed to fail or result in minimally catastrophic explosions - one of the senior tutors had walked in at just the wrong moment once and almost lost an optic). Starscream gradually opened up to Skyfire, and, with every new fact he learned about his new friend, Skyfire cared more. There was perfection, just the two of them.

Then...

Earth had taken Skyfire from Starscream, and _something_ had taken Starscream from Skyfire. And Skyfire was determined to find out _what_. People did not change so radically simply because of the passing of an aeon or two. There had to be another factor, a third party that had morphed Starscream from that bright, studious young scientist to this cynical, deceitful, power-hungry killer. The old Starscream would not delight in the pain of others, nor would he indiscriminately murder friend and foe alike to further his prospects of power and control. There was something very wrong.

Morosely, Skyfire reached through the gap between the energy bars of the cage, catching up the seeker's once-familiar light blue hand in his own, letting his fingers trace the joins and the contours that he was so used to. Perhaps there was still hope. Perhaps there was a chance, no matter how slim, that he could get _his_ Starscream back. That Starscream, he was sure, would join the Autobots. Things would be as they were. Perhaps there was a possibility that this ideal future would come to light. That Starscream could still be saved. That Starscream still wanted to _be_ saved. That there was something to save Starscream _from_.

The Autobot shook his head, laying Starscream's hand across his chest and moving a little further backwards as his prisoner stirred. There was still so much he did not know. Hopefully Starscream would be in the mood to give some answers.


	5. Chapter 4

**Author Note: **Ahh... time for writing is short because the transforming Starscream costume I'm making for a cosplay contest next month is taking a considerable amount of planning. Why do I set myself up for these things...

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**The Rest Is Silence**

**Chapter 4 - Fear of Weakness**

Waking from stasis is not easy at the best of times - the full-body headache caused by copious numbers of your inner components rearranging themselves in various awkward positions is certainly not an enjoyable experience - but to know that the only reason I could wake at all is because those incompetent Autobots repaired my body really did add insult to injury.

How did I know that I was a prisoner of the Autobots before I had even turned on my optics? Well, unlike Megatron, _I_ am at least able to add two and two and come up with a reasonable answer that is not a screamed expletive and a blow on the head for the nearest lieutenant. I had been alert enough to hear the Decepticon's order to retreat and to leave me behind to fend for myself, and I had regained consciousness for a brief moment while being carried by the Autobot Ironhide. I certainly remember having injuries then, quite bad injuries at that, and the lack of those same injuries now that I was awake again spoke volumes in my mind.

After savouring a moment of pretending I was still unconscious, as the Autobots would surely leap on me for interrogation as soon as they saw I was able to give answers, I gathered my wits together and constructed an inner defence. Even if I was to be tortured for information, I would endure. The punishment I would receive at Megatron's hands if I gave up anything about the Decepticons would be _much_ more severe than anything the reluctant Autobots could possibly do to me. I won't claim that I am not a coward, but even I am brave enough to see when there are two evils and to pick the lesser of them.

I turned on my optics to see that I was surrounded by an energy cage. That much I had expected. What surprised me was the lack of Autobots - instead of the grim-faced torture team I had expected, there was only one other robot present in the room, and that was... oh, _slag_. It was _Skyfire_.

I did _not_ want to speak with him. He had abandoned me for the last time when he had left the Decepticons. We no longer shared beliefs. No doubt he would want to try and rekindle our long-dead friendship, but he had been gone from my life for too long now. The past was just that, and I had no interest in resurrecting the weak, needy, pathetic soul I had been before I learned what it meant to be a warrior. The Starscream that Skyfire had protected and befriended was dead, and that was the end of it. Survival of the fittest, after all.

"Starscream..." He said to me, and a sickly cold feeling washed over my body right down to my afterburners. I tried to ignore this, and my joints screamed in complaint as I hauled myself into a sitting position, turning slightly away from my old friend. Perhaps he would take a hint...

When have I ever been so lucky?

"Starscream, we need to _talk_." Skyfire said to me sternly, moving himself so that he was once again in my line of sight.

"I have nothing to say to you." I snapped back, utterly on my guard. I _did_ remember the friendship I had shared with Skyfire. It was almost as though we developed a dependancy on each other. I, usually so nervous around others, had had no qualms about telling him my deepest secrets and darkest fears when we studied together on Cybertron and, now that I was alone and aloof, and happily so, some small part of me feared that seeing him now, being in such close proximity to him and not being interrupted by laser fire, would somehow cause me to break down and that I would tell him everything, as I would once have done. So I closed myself off as much as I could, to the world and to _him_.

I heard him sigh in what seemed a mix of sadness and frustration, and I responded with a snort of disgust.

"Is war so attractive to you?" Came the murmured question. I shrugged nonchalantly in response, not bothering to give a spoken answer, but it did not have the desired effect. Skyfire, the damn optimistic fool, seemed to hear an answer that I had not spoken, perhaps he had hoped that I would answer in a certain way and his deficient mentality had construed my silence as that answer. His voice, when he next spoke, was drenched in relief. "Ha... I _knew_ you were still a scientist. Being a warrior is not for the likes of us, Starscream, we _learn_, we don't destroy..."

"Shut up." I fixed my red glare upon the white Autobot for a moment, then looked away again. "Don't put words in my mouth. I already told you, Skyfire, I _enjoy_ being a warrior."

He was silent for a moment, dealing with this blow, then he said softly:

"Why don't you join the Autobots, Starscream?"

At first, I wasn't sure if I was supposed to laugh or not. Was this a joke? If the question had come from anyone other than Skyfire, I would have thought so, but, from what I remembered of my days on Cybertron, Skyfire was not the sort to make jokes like that. That just made the question even more unbelievable. Me, an Autobot? _Me_? Yet Skyfire managed to ask it with such sincerity that it was obvious he truly believed I was redeemable - and, what was more, it was obvious that he truly believed I _wanted_ to be redeemed.

"_Primus_, Skyfire!" I managed. I am not ashamed to say that I was speechless for a few moments before I managed to give an adequate response. "What crawled into _your_ circuits and died? You must be insane! I would _never_ join the Autobots! I don't belong with them!" I didn't mention that the same sentiment was probably shared by the Autobots themselves. After what I did to them on a regular basis, something told me that they would not welcome me onto their side with open arms and a pint of energon apiece.

"The Decepticons obviously think you don't belong with _them_, either." Skyfire spoke in his calm, slow voice, ignoring the vehemence of my outburst. "They left you, Starscream. You keep telling everyone that you're their second-in-command, but they left you buried under that pile of rocks, when you needed them most!"

"I'm quite aware of that." Perhaps his argument would have stung - but it was not the first time that Megatron ordered my fellows to leave me behind. "They did what was right by them. Survival of the fittest."

"They left you to die!"

"_I don't care!_" My erratic temper, frayed already by the dull ache in my body as it recovered from stasis and the fact that I was a prisoner of my hated enemies, snapped completely, and I lost myself in a furious tirade. "Get it through your thick-plated head! I am _happy_ the way I am, I do not wish to return to the snivelling, _useless_ being I was before this war! The Starscream that you knew is dead, so give up and stop trying to turn me into your idea of a perfect friend! Unlike you, I'm not a pacifist any more! I _like_ the feeling of power over others, I _like_ watching them spill energon from a hole that _I_ inflicted, I _like_ causing them pain and I _relish_ the control I have over them once they start begging me to stop! I am Megatron's second-in-command because he respects my cruelty and the lengths that I will go to in order to get what I want, _he respects that, even the Autobots respect that, and so should you, so just lay off...!"_

"Stop." Skyfire said only that word, the volume of his voice nothing compared to my shrill yelling, but somehow I heard it and somehow it halted me mid-sentence. It carried overtones of sorrow and regret that did not show on his impassive face, and, somehow, it... calmed me. It soothed me, somehow.

Now that the anger had faded from my mind and no longer clouded it, I could see how my revelations were affecting my old friend. Though there were no clear emotions on his face, his optics were slanted slightly in what appeared to be disgust at the sadistic side of myself I had been describing, and the down-turned corners of his mouth displayed to me a deep, deep grief. Something deep inside me twinged, but it was overshadowed by the grim satisfaction that I had _finally_ made Skyfire understand that his dreams were ridiculous.

Then... Skyfire did something that I was _not_ prepared for. He reached through the bars of my cage and pressed his hand to my cheek in a sad carress. It had been so, so long since I had felt that sort of tender touch, and it was such an unexpected move that I caught myself leaning into it slightly, almost.. _enjoying_ it. But I hardened my spark; this was me no longer. I did not need such affection any longer. Skyfire was doing too little, too late.

"I want things like they used to be." The other mech was saying in his deep, soulful voice. Aeons ago, that sound of disappointment, coupled with the touch on my face, would have broken my spark right in two, but now... I simply sneered at him and slapped his hand away with my own. A part of me shivered in satisfaction at the hurt expression that crossed his face before he looked down at his own hands. After a while of staring at them, he spoke to me again: "Then tell me what happened. You owe me that much. Tell me what changed you, after I crashed."

It was an innocent question, and he _did_ deserve to know. I honestly wanted to tell him. I wanted to tell him, I really did, but when I thought back, I found nothing. From the time I returned to Cybertron after losing him on prehistoric Earth to the moment I was accepted into the Decepticons as an officer was a complete blank in my memory. It was as though those years had never happened - but I knew they must have done, for otherwise, when had I met Megatron? I remembered the happiness and the warmth I had had with Skyfire, I remembered the despair and the guilt I felt when I returned to Cybertron without him, then... then... then all of a sudden I was a Decepticon lieutenant? It... made no sense.

I felt panic well up deep inside my spark. What the _slag_ was going on? I had never before had problems with my memory, though admittedly I didn't often think about the past, and I was utterly unprepared for the feeling of weakness that washed over me when I found that I simply could not recall that period of my life. How long had it been? What had happened to me during that time?

"_I owe you nothing!"_ I all but screamed at Skyfire to disguise my fear. I wanted him to leave, right away, I didn't want him to see me like this. I didn't want _anyone_ to see me like this. "Go away! _Go away!_" To emphasise the urgency my order carried, I reached through the bars, ignoring the smell of scorching and the faint pain as the concentrated energy burned into my exostructure at a point of contact, and pushed Skyfire away from me violently.

"Hey - Starscream, careful, you've only just been repaired -" He was staring at the small sear on my arm even as he fell back heavily, and I growled at his altruism. He fell silent at that, giving me one last _Look_ before turning and leaving.

With my old friend gone, I could finally relax and fully study my cell, absently nursing my arm as I did so. The cage was just large enough for me to kneel up comfortably - standing was out of the question, though - and it was made, obviously, of beams of concentrated energy, powerful enough to burn through even my superior exostructure in seconds. The security was decent enough for an Earth facility. And what of me? Had that incompetent excuse for a medic stolen any of my components when he had been fiddling about repairing me?

After a quick examination, I could safely say that he had not; even my Power Chip Rectifier was still present and, apparently, functional. A shot at the floor verified that my null ray was in perfect working order, and, though I did not dare test them in such a confined space, I had a feeling that my cluster bombs were working fine too.

The Autobots are morons.

What _idiot_ drags a fallen enemy commander back to their headquarters, meticulously repairs them and goes to the bother of imprisoning them only to leave them with _all_ their weapons and devices? Oh, Prime, you make this too easy!

Perhaps under normal circumstances, I would have humoured the Autobots and stayed for their interrogation, letting them have enough information so that they could seriously hinder Megatron and make him look like a fool in front of the Decepticons, while never giving away too much. But these circumstances were far from normal; I had somewhere that I needed to be, and it was _not_ in a cage in the Autobot headquarters. My past, or the apparent lack of it, was troubling me deeply and I had to find out the truth somehow - something I couldn't do while imprisoned at the Autobot's pleasure.

For someone like me, it was the effort of but a moment to discover which of the controls on Teletran worked this infernal prison, and, with a carefully aimed shot from the null ray, it was disabled temporarily. Inwardly laughing at the incompetence of my enemies, I transformed into my jet mode and, with a power boost to my afterburners, I disappeared outside into the free night air.


	6. Chapter 5

**The Rest Is Silence**

**Chapter 5 - Something Very Wrong**

There was something very wrong with Starscream, Skyfire thought to himself as he examined the empty space where, but half an hour ago, there had been an imprisoned Decepticon officer. It wasn't a surprise that Starscream had gone - Skyfire hadn't _really_ expected the smaller mech to hang around - but their conversation had been terminated so suddenly and, for just a moment, Starscream had looked so _afraid_...

Moving just outside the Autobot headquarters so that he could look over the desolate wasteland outside, the tall robot wondered if he had done the right thing by repairing Starscream's weapons and re-equipping them after Ratchet had finished with the other more pressing injuries. At the time, it had seemed like a good way of stopping Starscream from feeling cornered, and Skyfire had hoped that the option of an escape route would make his old friend more talkative, but... apparently it had not. All he had acheived was to have Starscream flee from his grasp again, and it had cost the Autobots a valuable hostage. If only he had thought to put a tracking device on Starscream! - but then, Starscream was far from stupid, and his traitorous ways had given him a deep suspicion of most everyone else. He had probably checked his systems for such things before making good his escape.

Wearily, Skyfire sat down on the cold rock, staring at the stars. Somewhere out there was Cybertron. A wave of homesickness hit the white mech as he yearned for better days long past, though his introspection was interrupted by a shadow being cast in the light of the crashed Ark and a call from inside.

"Out alone so late, Skyfire?"

It was Optimus Prime. Skyfire relaxed; Prime was remarkably level-headed, a stark contrast to the majority of the Autobots, who were a lot more boisterous. There could not have been a better person to come outside at that moment, for Skyfire felt that a conversation with anyone else would only have succeeded in making him feel worse.

"Just out for a think."

There was silence for a few minutes as both Autobots appreciated the serenity of the desert at night. Skyfire once again stared at the stars, finding himself worrying about Starscream, and whether he had found a suitable place to recharge for the night. Whatever the Decepticon said, however proud he was, he needed _help_ - if only he would _accept _it when it was offered...

"Our troublesome captive seems to have absconded." Optimus said quietly, almost as if he had read Skyfire's mind. There was nothing accusatory in his voice, and when the white mech glanced sideways (and slightly downwards) at his leader's face, he saw only innocence reflected there.

"...Yes." He conceded, battling with himself about saying more. He felt that he would burst if he did not tell anyone his troubles, but he was worried that revealing his caring for a Decepticon of such notoriety as was Starscream would only ostracize him from the ranks of the Autobots. But this was not just _any_ Autobot, this was Prime himself, and Prime had a unique aura of calm and peace that invited those around him to confide in him their secrets, safe in the knowledge that he would not judge them harshly.

And yet... there were things that Skyfire would not risk telling even Prime, and his concern for Starscream was certainly one of them. Starscream had dealt the Autobots too much harm and cruelty for any of them to truly understand what he had once had been, and thus none of them would ever understand why Skyfire cared so deeply about what happened to the seeker.

"It seems that he was more resourceful than I had anticipated. Excuse me, Optimus, I'm going inside to recharge now. Good night." With a fleeting smile to Prime, Skyfire excused himself and headed back to his own quarter, feeling overwhelmed by the day's events, and acutely alone in the universe.

---

Megatron leant back in his chair, staring at Starscream discreetly. His officer had returned a very short time ago, and was already reinforcing his position in the Decepticon hierachy by viciously explaining to Skywarp how incompetent he was at giving commands and what a useless leader he made. It was as though he had never been gone at all.

That was the cinch that led Megatron to believe that there was something seriously wrong with the seeker. It was hard to tell, of course, because the only predictable thing about Starscream was that he was unpredictable, but, from drawing carefully on past experiences, Megatron could make educated guesses about what reaction Starscream would have, and they were usually quite accurate. Past experience suggested that, after being abandoned during a mission, Starscream would usually lead some sort of vain attempt to gather an army and get revenge, glad of the excuse to try and kill the rightful Decepticon leader. Certainly, the _last_ thing he would normally do in such circumstances was to return to the Decepticon headquarters a couple of days later as though nothing had happened. It was unheard of, Starscream being so distracted from his power-hunt.

The other Decepticons did not seem to have noticed any difference. They were as used to Starscream's bizarre personality and behaviour patterns as Megatron was, but they had no reason to keep a careful eye on the seeker because he was not as frequently trying to stab them in the back as he was Megatron.

Of course, Starscream's strange behaviour put Megatron on edge. He was certain that his officer was planning something - something _big_, no doubt intended to destroy him once and for all. Well, Megatron thought with a grim humour, he would not die that easily. He would keep an eye on Starscream and all those in close contact with him, so that when this plot was hatched and attempted (and failed, as it no doubt would; _all_ of Starscream's ventures ended in failure), he could get rid of all of the dissenters in one go.

The silver mech watched Starscream glance this way and that before beckoning Thundercracker to follow him out of the room. He hoped that Thundercracker would not help Starscream - despite the blue seeker's tendancies to be a bit mouthy, he was a good warrior, and obedient enough after you got past the attitude. It would be a shame if Megatron had to terminate him for conspiracy.

"Soundwave." Megatron called for his most loyal lieutenant, who appeared at his side a moment later, expressionless as always. "I want Laserbeak to follow Starscream for me. Make sure he is not seen."

"Yes, Megatron. Laserbeak, eject." The communications officer nodded obediently, ejecting Laserbeak and pointing in the direction that Starscream and Thundercracker had disappeared. The drone took flight silently, disappearing after the wayward seeker and his would-be ally.

Megatron nodded in satisfaction. Starscream could plot all he wanted, oh yes, but Megatron would _always_ be one step ahead of him.

---

"I'm not interested in whatever you got to say, Starscream." Thundercracker spoke before Starscream could. "I don't care about your power struggle. Deal with Megatron yourself."

"You misunderstand my intentions, Thundercracker." Starscream spread his arms wide invitingly, a smile crossing his grey face. "I don't want to discuss power with you. I just felt like reminiscing about the past, that's all. Better days on Cybertron, that sort of thing."

Thundercracker glared at his wingmate suspiciously, not believing for a moment that Starscream didn't have some sort of ulterior motive.

"What's this about?" He demanded. "Why the sudden mellow? You hit your head on those rocks or something?"

"I'm not allowed to engage in an innocent conversation with my wingmate?" Starscream's tone of voice leaked innocence, and Thundercracker didn't like it at all.

"Maybe if it was someone else, but I don't trust you. No one trusts you. You always have some reason for doing what you do. Some ulterior motive. I'm telling you now, Screamer, I want _no_ part of any of your 'kill Megatron' plans. They never work and you just look like a fool when you get your components handed to you."

"I honestly want nothing more than to think about the old days. Remember what good times we had on Cybertron?" This question earned Starscream a very odd look from the other seeker.

"No, cause you didn't spend any time with the rest of us. You an' Megatron used to disappear together for days at a time. How am I supposed to know what a good time you had with him when none of the rest of us were good enough to be in on the fun? What, you brought me out here just to rub that in my face? That you used to be Megatron's favourite before you started trying to kill him off? That's ancient history, Starscream. Go gloat at someone who cares."

With a last revolted look at Starscream, Thundercracker returned to the bridge, leaving the Decepticon second alone with his thoughts.

This looked like it would be harder than anticipated, the grey-coloured mech thought to himself irritably. At first he had wondered where to start searching for the information about the missing years in his history. Assuming that the other members of the Decepticon faction would know, he had considered how to ask them without being too obvious that there was something wrong with him - if he revealed a weakness now, then they would never respect him as a leader in the future, of course - but if, as Thundercracker said, he had spent long periods of time with Megatron, away from the others, then none of them would know anything of value. Asking Megatron was out of the question. Megatron was a lot sharper than his warriors, and he would probably notice straight away if Starscream acted even a little out of character. Besides, Starscream had a faint suspicion that Megatron knew _exactly_ what had caused both the abrupt personality change and the memory loss.

And, on the topic of Megatron...

Starscream cocked his head to the side and, almost instantly, he found what he was looking for. There was a tell-tale flash of red and white, and, though it was gone in an instant, it communicated to Starscream everything he needed to know. It showed him Megatron already suspected that he was up to something. Well, that was certainly in-character. Megatron was as paranoid as they came, and he had to be with a commander like Starscream in his army. It seemed that the silver-white robot already suspected that all was not well with Starscream - Laserbeak had already been ordered to spy on him. Starscream had expected this much, and now that he knew for certain he was being followed... he would have to be a lot more careful. There was no erasing the conversation with Thundercracker, but, luckily, there was nothing incriminating.

Laserbeak was... an inconvenience. Having his movements recorded and his conversations bugged would seriously cripple Starscream's attempts at uncovering any information of value. To add to the mess, there was the complication of Skyfire - no doubt he would be searching for Starscream too, to either take him back into Autobot custody or to ask him why he had halted their conversation so suddenly. If Laserbeak saw Starscream anywhere near the Autobot, let alone talking to him... well, Megatron knew they were old friends. He would assume that Starscream was collaberating with the enemy. There would be hell to pay. Termination would be a welcome blessing after the punishment Megatron would give out for such a degree of treachery.

In short, Starscream needed to shake Laserbeak from his tail, and yet he could think of no way to do this without arousing even more suspicion. Hopefully, Laserbeak did not know that Starscream was aware of his presence - that would make things much easier in the long run. The air commander wracked his cranial capacitators for solutions.

The only one he could think of was to find out as much as he could in the Decepticon base and then, if circumstances called for desperate measures, blast Laserbeak off his tail and make good his escape from this entire war. He would be a fugitive from both sides, but as important as the Decepticon cause was to him... this self-discovery, this mystery of his past, suddenly seemed so much more important. It was personal, and if he had to deny his current life to find his past one... well... so be it.

Even if it made him a hypocrite. Even if it was doing exactly the opposite of what he had told Skyfire. If, to find his past, he had to deny his present, then so be it. A hypocrite he would become.


	7. Chapter 6

**Author Note: **Afterburners are a royal pain in the proverbial to work when you're trying to transform into a fighter jet. Why did I think that this costume was a good idea... /sad

**The Rest Is Silence**

**Chapter 6 - The Price of Freedom**

Just as I feared, Laserbeak had seriously hindered all my attempts at finding out more about my missing past. Every time that I tried to interrogate another Decepticon, or search through the files on all the warriors that Megatron kept in the databank, our 'glorious' leader himself would appear moments later and order me to carry out some menial, pointless task. It was a way of keeping me busy, and it was most infuriating. I tried once to order my subordinates to carry out one of these tasks for me so that I could have more time to search the databanks.

I did not make that mistake again. Megatron made sure that I knew _I_ was to carry out these tasks and not to delegate them to others. The details... are not important. I shall say that Megatron is a harsh teacher, and leave it at that.

... Megatron _knew _something.

I was sure of it. He had started unloading these piles of work on me almost immediately after my conversation with Thundercracker. I had thought that there was nothing incriminating in that conversation - it was simply a case of me asking one of my fellow seekers to join me in a bit of nostalgia, where was the harm in that? - but apparently, something in it had upset Megatron significantly. I couldn't for the life of me work out what it was, whether Megatron did not want me searching for answers to questions about my own past or whether I was dangerously close to discovering some sort of secret about the Decepticon cause that could undermine it. Either way, Megatron should not have been so keen to keep me from finding my answers.

Being so trapped within the Decepticon headquarters was stifling. After just a couple of days of being under such close surveillance, I was longing to leave the crashed ship and to fly free in Earth's atmosphere. As someone who relies so heavily on flight, I do not cope well when I am confined in small spaces for long periods of time, and, while I was given so many useless jobs, none of them took me out of the space cruiser. Perhaps Megatron was afraid I would have a rendezvous with someone if I left the vicinity. Whatever the reason, the inability to stretch my wings made me more snappy and irritable than I usually am, which in turn caused me to lash out at my fellow Decepticons and alienate myself from them even more.

I had reached the metaphorical dead end. All of my bright ideas about information sources had either been foiled by Megatron's sudden appearance or had been useless anyway, and I had run out of places to turn. If we had been on Cybertron, I could have easily pulled up a virtual profile of myself and gone through the records, but they were not important enough to have been brought with us when we came to Earth so many millions of years ago.

It was not like me to be defeated by something like this. I am _much_ more intelligent than that. It made me wonder, in a vague and distant way, whether the Autobots had tampered with my intelligence modifiers when they had been fixing me.

Then I had the most wonderful idea.

I had been fixed by the Autobots. None of the Decepticons could deny that - they had all known that I could not have carried out the repairs on myself, I had been that badly damaged after the mountain fell on me. I could simply go into the Decepticon medical bay and tamper with my own inner circuitry; the idea that the Autobots could change my intelligence chips made me consider the possibility of jump-starting my long-term memory chips. Glancing around, I once again caught a flash of red that showed me Laserbeak was still trailing me. As soon as this was all over, I really would have to point out to Soundwave that his Casseticons were not the most subtle of beings. Ignoring the drone, I purposefully made my way to the medical bay.

For once, I was lucky. The bay was empty, which meant that I could relax and take my time; I doubt I would have opened my body if there had been another Transformer present. It would be too much like revealing a weakness. I would feel too exposed.

It was an easy procedure. Open my chest cavity behind the yellow canopy that made up my cockpit when in jet mode and channel a large electrical surge into my long-term memory chip. It was the same treatment we had given to Skyfire when we had at last extracted him from the Arctic ice, and it had worked wonders for _him_. I just hoped that my results would be as satisfactory. I hooked up the generator onto the microchip and flicked the switch. The sensation was... strange, but not unpleasant. It was a sort of full-body shudder followed by a lingering prickling feeling.

It was as though a haze of fog was cleared from my mind.

I _remembered_. I remembered coming back to Cybertron after losing Skyfire, somehow convinced that it was my own fault for not finding him, and I sank into depression. The days then seemed to meld into one, and I spent all of them alone and guilty, utterly sure that my continued existance was a curse, that _I_ should have been the one to die (because I was so sure that Skyfire had perished in that powerful windstorm). It was then that I had met Megatron.

He had been the leader of a small but rapidly growing group of individuals who would eventually come to be known as Decepticons. He was powerful, strong and very popular, but I remember feeling sorry for him, surrounded as he was by people who only liked him for his influence and no one he could trust. Looking back, that seems like such a ridiculous emotion to have for _Megatron_, of all people.

The memories were hazy, through age rather than any further fault with my memory chip, but I remember Megatron eventually coming up to me and... he was _kind_. I remember him complimenting me on my exceptional results, and I remember him radiating concern about my sadness. Was I mourning someone, he asked, and my response was positive. He offered me the protection that Skyfire had given me, and I was at last able to move on from my grief - I did this by turning Megatron into a replacement Skyfire. I suppose that Megatron's kindness then was a mask to get me into his trust and cement me in the Decepticon cause, as even then I had enormous potential to be a great strategist and warrior. It worked. I was ecstatic that Megatron, the most influential robot I knew at the time, had accepted me, a friendless reject, into his inner circle.

Then... there was nothing. The period from my meeting Megatron to my becoming a ruthless Decepticon killer - including, of course, the period in which my personality had changed - was still missing. I didn't understand it. If it had not been a fault with my memory chip, then what could it possibly be that was keeping my past from me?

But I had no further time to think, as the door to the medical bay slid open suddenly, and with a powerful force. Shocked at being caught off-guard, I looked up.

And stared straight into Megatron's cruel face.

"Megatron...!" I gasped, caught completely unawares. I had been stupid! I knew Laserbeak was still following me, but had I honestly believed that Megatron would allow me so much time on my own? Now, as my leader stood before me, radiating fury, I knew that I would pay the price for my freedom.

"What were you doing, Starscream?" The anger so clearly written on Megatron's face was only slightly apparent in his voice, and I admit that I was impressed by his self-control. Yet I could not see why he was so angry with me. _Other_ Decepticons were allowed to use the medical bay freely, so why not I? "What were you tampering with?"

"I was checking over my intelligence modifier," I lied hurriedly, "The Autobots - I thought they might have -"

"_How dare you lie to me!?_" Megatron all but screamed, dealing me a backhand so powerful that the soft grey metal of my face dented in a line from my left optic to just above my chin. I flew across the room, crashing through the operating table and into the wall on the other side.

"Megatron - please -" I begged, disgusted by my own pathetic whimpering but unable to find the courage to do anything else. Megatron's anger filled me with a deep sense of shame. I didn't know why it upset me so much, and I couldn't understand what I had done _wrong_. Before I could pick myself up from the floor, his black hands had locked tightly around my throat in a painful grip. I clawed at his arms desperately, trying to get him to let me go as he picked me up off the ground by my neck.

"How dare you defy me, Starscream?"

"Forgive me - please, please, I'm _sorry_!" I meant none of it. I never did. All the apologies I gave Megatron were false, and he knew it. He responded to my pleading my throwing me from him, and I cowered where I landed. I don't know _why_ I get so scared of him. He is bigger than me, yes, and stronger by far, but I am so much faster than him. Even if I could not kill him, I could still flee from him and hide until he had calmed, but something about his temper paralyses me.

The click was so quiet it was almost silent, but I heard it. It was the sound of the door locking. With that small action, Megatron had both blocked my only escape route and prevented any other Decepticon stumbling in and distracting him. I backed up against the wall in utter terror, trying to make myself a part of it. Anything to save me from the impending pain. Why, why was Megatron in such a rage? What had I done? My leader's hand shot out and grabbed me by the chin as he brought his optics down to my level. I tried to hold his gaze, to show I was unafraid, but my own eyes were wide with panic.

"Does the Decepticon cause mean so little to you?" He hissed in my face, and I flinched away as best I could. I didn't understand. I hadn't _done_ anything. "You've sunk low before, Starscream, but this is unforgivable."

"I don't -" I tried to say, but I was cut off when Megatron slammed the back of my head into the wall, leaving me dazed as the impact unsettled my equilibrium.

"Then why don't you watch? It should refresh your memory." I heard the sounds of the words, but I could not make any sense of them; the room was spinning, and I was feeling nauseous. I was vaguely aware of Megatron inserting a micro-chip into the computer that was usually only used to store medical records. The screen flickered on, and Megatron's voice cut into my mind again. "This is a video taken by one of our aerospace security drones, just above this facility. I want you to explain it to me."

The screen showed the ocean surface, with small waves crossing it. There was nothing out of the ordinary, until... a brief streak of white. I saw it, but it took me a few moments for my recovering conscious to understand what I was seeing.

Oh... oh _Primus_ no...

Megatron rewound the tape and played it again, stilling the image just as the white passed the camera. It was unmistakable, now that I could see it clearly. After all, we had been friends for many, many years, and he was the only mech I knew who kept his Cybertronian transformation while living on Earth.

But what was Skyfire doing flying around our headquarters?

"I take it from the look on your face that you know who this is, Starscream." Megatron was snarling at me, and I stared at him blankly. "He has been sighted no less than three times in the few days since you returned from being 'imprisoned' by the Autobots. Laserbeak has been watching you trying to dig up information, and no doubt you were infusing a databank chip into your circuitry when I walked in on you. You were willing to sell out the Decepticon cause just to discredit me as a leader? _You disgust me!_"

"No - no - I didn't -" I tried. I had to make him realise, this had _nothing_ to do with me...!

"I have had _enough_ of your excuses! I have been pretty tolerant of your treachery, but that ends now! Your termination is long overdue, you miserable pile of scrap!" He levelled the barrell of his fusion cannon at me. It is not the first time that I have stared at the wrong end of that horrible weapon, but it is the first time that I have felt such hatred emanating from Megatron while he was pointing it at me. I was certain that it was the end but, for once, I was innocent. If I had to die, I didn't want it to be over a misunderstanding.

In sheer desperation, I manouvered my null ray so that it was aimed point blank at Megatron's chest, and I fired it without hesitation. My leader dropped to the floor, temporarily disabled, and, for a minute or two, all I could do was stare at him. I was severely shaken up by my close brush with death, and the beating I had endured was taking its toll on my body. My mind raced through the options, and I realised that there was only one logical one.

I had to flee.

Well, enough was enough. For too long I had been Megatron's scapegoat. I was always blamed when his plans failed, and I was never praised when _mine_ worked. I even sometimes took the brunt of his anger at mistakes the other Decepticons had made. I could not take any more, and besides... I could not think of anything else I could learn about my missing history from hanging around here at the bottom of the ocean.

Hurriedly, I took the elevator up to the ocean surface. Megatron would awake any moment and brand me a traitor, then I would have all of my fellows on my tail. The less time I spent loitering, the better, and, as soon as the exit hatch opened, I transformed into my jet mode and flew into the blue sky. If I had not still been in shock at the speed of the events that had resulted in my exile, I would have noticed the large white Cybertronian turbojet appear seemingly from nowhere and follow me.

I don't know how long or how far I flew. I lost myself in the feeling of the air rushing against me, of finally being free in the sky again after days of yearning for it while confined to headquarters. As the distress wore off and dissolved into anger at my unfair treatment, I finally noticed the Autobot tailing me. It was definitely Skyfire, and this irritated me even more. This was all his fault. I had already told him I had no wish to see him again. Why did he not leave me alone? The time had come to set him straight once and for all.

There was a landmass far below me. I don't know what continent it was, but it seemed like a logical place to land and get rid of Skyfire. As I had expected, when I started to descend, so did he, and when I landed on the deserted beach and transformed, he was not far behind me in doing the same.

I turned to face him while he was dusting the sand off himself after his landing, and I stood my ground, clenching and unclenching my fists. There was a rage at the unfairness of this all building up inside me, and I knew that Skyfire would have to take the brunt of it in the same way I had dealt with Megatron's. And I didn't care.

"Starscream! At last." My old friend approached me, clearly thinking I had stopped to have a nice chat with him. His jovial expression faltered at my stony glare, and then it melted into concern when he saw the dent in my cheek. "You - you're injured! Are you all right? Who did this to you?"

For a long moment, I could not speak; I was so infuriated that I could barely open my mouth to form the words. Then, eventually, I raised my hand to run a finger along the fresh scar that marred my grey cheek and, in a voice venomous with the contempt it contained, hissed his answer, my voice rising in volume with each word:

"You did. You did this to me. This is all your fault! Do you hear me? _You_ caused all this! JUST STAY AWAY FROM ME!"

I will never forget the look of horror that crossed Skyfire's gentle face upon hearing those hurtful words, and, as enraged as I was, I couldn't resist telling him all of the truth in my awful, twisted logic.

"Megatron almost killed me because of _you_. Because you were stupid enough to fly over our headquarters. He beat me until I had to beg him to stop, and he would have killed me, and it's _all your fault_. You have _never_ done anything but hurt me! Why the slag can't you take a hint? _I never want to see you again!"_

"I was... I was searching for you." Skyfire said brokenly. "I wanted to make sure you were all right."

"WELL, I'M CERTAINLY NOT NOW!" It was cruel of me, to do this to Skyfire. It was cruel, he really didn't deserve it, but I was so outraged at the unfair treatment Megatron had dealt me that I couldn't stop myself from venting it upon this innocent soul. In a way, I was speaking the truth. Even if he had only wanted to bring me safety and happiness, all he had brought me was pain. At that moment, I truly hated him for all his goodwill and all his caring feelings for me.

"I want to help you, Starscream..." He was saying, trying his hardest to calm me down. It did not work.

"I don't need help from someone like _you_." I spat at him in response to his kindness, and, with one last hate-filled snarl, I transformed and took off without another word, safe in the knowledge that I was much faster than him, and that he would not be able to catch up with me. It didn't matter. Skyfire was still standing there, in that same place, when I entered the stratosphere.

I would regret it later.


	8. Chapter 7

**The Rest Is Silence**

**Chapter 7 - Friends?**

Starscream flattened himself against the unforgiving rock face, wishing (and not for the first time) that he was smaller. The crevice he was trying to press himself into was barely big enough to fit in comfortably, but the scratched paint was a minor worry compared to what would happen if he could not find a hiding place. From high above came the rumble of a jet engine as the ominous shape of a black F-15 fighter blotted out the sun for a moment.

The hunt was on. The Decepticons were out in force, patrolling the skies in the search for their runaway commander. Starscream didn't know whether they had been ordered to shoot him on sight or take him back to face Megatron's displeasure, and he didn't want to find out. Neither option would be healthy for him; Megatron had been _very_ displeased.

The fugitive seeker was travelling by land; though he was easily the fastest and most skilled at flight in the Decepticon fleet, even he could not dodge the gunfire from Megatron's entire army. He was too easily visible in the air, and, knowing Megatron, there was probably some sort of reward for his capture or termination, which would only drive the still-loyal warriors to search even harder. So, in the interest of self-preservation, he had chosen to ground himself, to move under the cover of tree and rock. It was not easy. The bright splashes of red and blue on his exostructure were not ideal camouflage in Earth's primarily green foliage, and his height gave him a slight disadvantage in that he was actually larger than many of the trees which would otherwise provide him shelter.

And he had no idea where he was heading.

The Decepticons were now his enemies. The Autobots hated him, and with good reason. In short, Starscream had run out of places to turn. He had no sanctuary from the merciless hunters in the sky, no place on Earth was safe and, being confined to the land as he was, he could not dash for the thermosphere and flee to another planet. For one usually so confident in all his decisions, Starscream really regretted being so harsh on Skyfire - though he was damned if he would ever admit that to anyone. Skyfire had been offering him love and safety, a place to stay in a situation like this. Protection. Everything that Starscream lacked at the moment. Starscream had responded by telling Skyfire that all the pain was _his_ fault, and now he felt an overwhelming remorse at the cruel and hateful words he had rained upon the undeserving Autobot.

He wouldn't _apologise_ to Skyfire, or go running back to the white mech now that times were hard, he told himself. He had his pride. He was still a Decepticon warrior, he was powerful and clever and he would not cower when the circumstances called for strength. Even though Starscream knew that he was lying to himself by pretending he was strong and brave, that he was actually a weak and helpless coward, he knew that he truly _was_ too arrogant to confess that he had been wrong and that Skyfire could help him.

Unfortunately, he had to admit, as Skywarp once again flew over his hiding place, he was also desperate.

Living rough did not agree with the aloof seeker. There was no Energon readily available out here in the wilds of this Primus-forsaken planet. Starscream had had to make hit-and-run raids on tiny local power stations in the middle of the night, when darkness gave him cover, and even then there had only been enough available energy to last him the next day. The lack of recharge and medical facilities showed on his exostructure, which was covered in dust, dried mud and tiny scratches from trees and cliffs, mostly gained from when he had tried to conceal himself in a hiding place designed for a creature at least two squared metres smaller than him.

Yet again, Starscream found himself contemplating returning to Megatron and begging for forgiveness. There would probably be blows, of course, there was _always_ a beating when Megatron was displeased with his lieutenant, but, perhaps, Starscream would escape with his life. Then the seeker ran a blue finger down the scar on his dark face, and he remembered the unmitigated contempt that had been on Megatron's face when the silver mech had been about to kill him, and he knew that returning was not an option. This time was different from all the others. This time, Megatron really was out to destroy him. Starscream longed to know _why_, for, as far as he was aware, he had not committed any crime. It was possible, of course, that Megatron really _did_ believe he was betraying the Decepticons to Skyfire, but Starscream thought Megatron knew him better than that. Megatron surely knew that Starscream cared for the Decepticon cause above almost everything else? Sure, he wasn't loyal to Megatron at all, but he was loyal to the ideals and the morals of the Decepticons - one of the most loyal there was, in fact. To suggest, with that knowledge, that Starscream was a traitor was either pure stupidity or a convenient excuse for getting rid of the air commander.

Starscream knew Megatron wasn't stupid. Their intelligence was about equal, and the officer regarded himself as superior to most other Decepticons. That meant that Megatron wanted Starscream out of the way, and he needed an excuse to do it. But why? Starscream could make no sense of it - was it something to do with his missing past? Was there a reason that Megatron would want to keep it hidden? There was too much that he didn't know, and he couldn't get answers while being persecuted as a traitor by his old allies.

If only there was a way for him to get to Cybertron! But flying out was no longer an option with the skies being guarded so carefully, and he could not work the Space Bridge alone - it needed another person at the controls...

Oh. _Slag_.

Suddenly, swallowing his arrogance for once and apologising to Skyfire really didn't seem like such a bad idea. Out of the blue, Starscream found that a trusted ally was more than just a distant, fading memory or an impossible luxury - it was a _necessity_. If he was ever going to escape from Megatron's vengeful clutches, if he was ever going to find out anything about his personality change, then he needed to get to Cybertron, and to get to Cybertron, he needed a friend. Skyfire was the only offer of true friendship he had ever had.

... was it too late to salvage that? Had his parting words to the white mech been too harsh to guarantee the warm welcome and acquiescence he craved?

Starscream was an oppurtunist, and getting Skyfire to work with him opened a clear pathway to his acheiving his desire. If that meant that he had to swallow his immense pride to beg and crawl on the ground, completely humiliate himself and stick his face in the dirt apologising to his old friend, then so be it. He had done it to Megatron before plenty of times. Shaming himself before those he needed protection from was one of the main reasons Starscream was still alive. It was all for his own good - all for his own selfish wants, and, at the moment, Starscream felt that he would do _anything_ to find out what Megatron was so keen to keep from him; to find out his own past. Even if it meant treating Skyfire like he was a vengeful Megatron and begging for mercy - if that's what it took, then that's what he would do.

---

"I thought you never wanted to see me again?" Skyfire asked wryly upon seeing Starscream waiting for him. The Decepticon had been hidden behind the rocky outcropping around the Autobot base, but he had stepped forward when the white mech had come out alone.

"... I need help." The air commander admitted eventually, after apparently battling with himself whether or not to speak at all. Skyfire was not sure what to think - normally, he was sure, he would have been overjoyed that Starscream had come to him of his own accord for help, but the Decepticon was taking too much for granted. Twice in the past week or so, Skyfire had offered help, and both times Starscream had responded with hateful words and accusations. As such, Skyfire felt he was being used, and was not as mild as he might usually have been.

"Why should I help you, Starscream? How can someone like _me_ help you, anyway?" The large Autobot folded his arms as he looked down at his old friend, who was repeatedly glancing nervously at the sky as though he expected some sort of retribution from above. "You told me that I only hurt you. Surely you don't need help getting hurt?"

"Skyfire, I'm _serious_ -"

"So am I. I am _not_ something that you can throw away and ignore until you need favours. Friendship works both ways, Starscream. Besides, helping you would be helping the Decepticons, and that would make a traitor to the Autobots. Unlike _you_, I don't want to hurt the people who help me, so I would rather not betray them."

"I'm not with the Decepticons!" Starscream snapped as Skyfire turned to go back inside the Autobot headquarters. A rumble from above caused both robots to pause and look up, just in time to see the bulk of Astrotrain's jet form pass overhead. Skyfire stopped to watch the Decepticon scout's progress with the intention of taking the information back to Prime in case the enemy were planning a full attack, but he was distracted by Starscream's bizarre reaction; the smaller seeker had panicked, diving inside the entrance tunnel to the Ark, out of sight of the triple-changer. It said something to Skyfire that Starscream was willing to risk the possibility of defence lasers in the entrance to the Autobot headquarters if it would hide him from the Decepticons - perhaps Starscream was telling the truth about having left them?

"What was _that_ about?" The white Transformer asked as Starscream picked himself up off the ground and peered out from his hiding place nervously. Instinctively, rather than out of any conscious decision, Skyfire had moved to help him stand. It was only when he was close that he noticed how _rough_ Starscream looked - the dulled paint and the multitude of untreated scratches were not usually present on the exostructure of someone who had access to the facilities offered in the headquarters of either faction.

"Are you going to believe that I'm not with the Decepticons now?" The seeker gasped out, snatching himself away from Skyfire, almost as though he thought that needing support was a sure sign of weakness. "Megatron's lost it, he's got all the others searching for me. If they find me, then I'm dead or worse, and I don't have the energy to run forever. You're all I have left, Skyfire... _please_ don't leave me now."

Skyfire was speechless; Starscream had actually asked him in a polite, civil way. He had said 'please'. And... his situation did sound pretty desperate. But Skyfire was still unsure; the angry words that Starscream had yelled at him not two days prior still rung clear in his memory, and what was to stop Starscream from leaving again when he had got what he wanted out of Skyfire? Yes, Skyfire wanted to help his old friend, but _this_ Starscream was _not_ his old friend. _This_ Starscream was a self-obsessed, ruthless, scheming homicide, whereas the Starscream that Skyfire loved had been an intelligent, compassionate pacifist.

The indecision must have passed across the Autobot's face, and Starscream must have been watching him carefully, for, just when Skyfire was considering leaving the seeker to fend for himself, a spasm of alarm shook the smaller robot.

"Don't turn me away." He pleaded, his raspy voice carrying a mixture of fear and an emotion that could possibly be construed as indignation. "After all your promises, don't turn me away! If you brush me aside now, you sentence me to death!"

Skyfire's shoulders heaved in a defeated sigh. He knew that he could not leave this pathetic little mech alone in the world, not while it bore the face and body of his long-lost companion. It would be too much like killing the memory of the Starscream from the past, and that was something that Skyfire could _never_ bring himself to do.

"All right. All right." He conceded quietly, and Starscream abruptly stopped his babbling. "But hear this, Starscream. If you shun me the moment you have what you want, then I will _not_ hesitate in handing you over to Megatron. Deal?" At the seeker's mute nod, he added: "What do you need me to do?"

It took a while for Starscream to answer, but when he did, his voice was hoarser than usual with the degree of relief it carried, and the honest display of emotion surprised Skyfire - it was so unlike the Starscream of the present and it reminded him so much of the Starscream he had once known that, just for a moment, he had to fight the urge to gather the seeker up into his arms in a tight, ecstatic embrace. There was hope! There was hope, there was still something left of Starscream that was redeemable!

"I need to use the Space Bridge, now, while the Decepticons are searching for me. Before Megatron tells Shockwave that I'm a traitor. I need to get to Cybertron." The grey-faced mech was saying, and Skyfire forced himself to quell the strong protective urge that had just washed over him at the thought that he might soon have the old Starscream back. "You have to work the controls for me."

"I thought Megatron was out to kill you? The Decepticons rule Cybertron, from what my Autobot allies tell me. You won't be safe there." Skyfire pointed out, puzzled at the request. The only answer Starscream spared him was a pitying look. In the little seeker's mind, _nowhere_ was safe from Megatron, whose grip was firm. It was only a matter of time before he was caught, but, he hoped, the longer he could keep running, the less likely Megatron would be to kill him.

Even so, Starscream knew that he had to find his answers before Megatron found him.


	9. Chapter 8

**Author Note:** This is an apology ; Due to my own absent-mindedness, Red Alert's existance was... neglected in the previous chapter. Which is a shame, because Red is one of the few Autobots I'm actually rather fond of. While writing the chapter, I just sort of forgot about him (there are _so many_ G1 Autobots, it's hard to remember them all...)

**The Rest Is Silence**

**Chapter 8 - To Cybertron!**

One of the main problems with Megatron, Starscream had discovered over the years of serving the egotistical Decepticon, was that he was so_ single-minded_. Whereas it would have surely occured to any sane self-respecting commander to leave a guard of some sort at the Space Bridge, Megatron would no doubt decide to neglect this particular importance in favour of hunting his wayward lieutenant. On the one hand, it illustrated yet another reason why Starscream knew _he_ would make a better leader than Megatron ever would, and on the other it illustrated to the seeker just how badly Megatron wanted him... retrieved.

That in itself was worrying. Usually, Megatron's anger had blown over by now - it had been the best of three days since he had attacked Starscream and chased him out of headquarters - and it was safe for the latter to be in the same room as his leader again. Even when Starscream had openly mocked Megatron in front of his loyal warriors, or pushed the silver mech's short temper too far, the punishment he had reaped had not lasted for this long. That meant that Megatron was desperate. But to what end? Was he _really_ that bothered that Starscream might conquer his amnesia?

Trying to understand made the seeker's logic centres ache. As one without a completely firm grasp on his own sanity, any attempt to comprehend the enigmatic Megatron was a marked failure and left Starscream bewildered. And there was the added complication of Skyfire...

In all honesty, Skyfire's sudden apparent growth of a backbone had impressed Starscream, as well as irritated him. It was just his luck that, when he wanted to be alone, Skyfire was popping up left, right and centre to offer help, but as soon as he actually needed a favour, Skyfire had developed some sort of pre-recharge tension and needed persuading... but a Skyfire who thought for himself and stood up for himself was much more interesting and endearing company than one who would let the memory of a long-dead incarnation of Starscream walk all over him.

After Skyfire had agreed to help Starscream use the Space Bridge, and after Starscream had given him the co-ordinates of the Bridge's current location, the two had wasted no time in taking off; Skyfire had not looked back once. It was though he was, in a way, subconsciously broadcasting that he had chosen Starscream over the Autobots and, in a fit of grace that was decidedly out of character, Starscream was grateful. He had not voiced his thanks, of course - that would be _too_ out of character even for his erratic tendancies - but the feelings were there all the same, as though he could transmit them to his old friend telepathically.

The two had not really spoken since taking off from outside the crashed Ark. Apart from a few directions, or to tell Skyfire that he was, for exampe, bearing three degrees too far to the east, Starscream had been lost in his own thoughts. It was one of his foibles, born from a long-established desire to be alone and away from the world, and it often clashed with his abrasive, attention-seeking antics as he made his designs on leadership known to the universe. His discomfort at working in collaberation with Skyfire and being on civil terms with the white mech again after so long apart had encouraged him to retreat into this safe haven of his own mind, contemplating anything and everything that took his fancy.

Of course, while he was so distracted, his reflexes suffered accordingly. Distantly, as though through a thick and stifling barrier, Skyfire's voice came to him, calling him, and the seeker suddenly became very aware of his surroundings.

"Starscream?" The huge Cybertronian rocket next to him was asking, gently and yet carrying a slightly worried overtone.

"What?" The ex-Decepticon snipped peevishly, nettled at being disturbed from his internal reflections - and by an _Autobot_, no less (even if this particular Autobot was currently in a tenuous friendship with him).

"Are you all right? You're losing altitude."

The seeker's optics flickered in moderate surprise as he realised that Skyfire was, in fact, telling the truth. He was slowly, but steadly, flying lower and lower and, now that he was alert enough to notice it, his speed was gradually reducing. Try as he might, Starscream found he was unable to pull up or to increase his velocity. Running a quick scan of his internal systems showed there were no problems, but -

Energon levels low and dropping -

Agh! What a _fool _he had been! There had not been a proper recharge bay available since he had fled the Decepticon headquarters, and the only energy he had been able to absorb was that from the single local power station he had attacked in a swift night raid. The station was designed to supply two or three small towns with power; there had barely been enough there to last Starscream for a day and a half, but, amazingly, using that energy, he had moved across Earth's uneven terrain to meet with Skyfire and had now been flying for Primus-knew-how-long to reach the Space Bridge (while both of the partners appreciated the danger that Starscream was in if he took to the air, both agreed that time was now of the essence, and they were more likely to be successful in transporting Starscream to Cybertron before Shockwave was alerted if they flew). Oh, if only he had had a bit more foresight, he could have asked Skyfire to pillage the Autobots' energy store for him..!

"I'm fine." Was the response he gave, bristling slightly at the worry in his companion's voice. It was a transparent lie at best and, of course, Skyfire saw right through it.

"When did you recharge last?" The honest question came as the large white rocket adjusted his altitude to fly beside the grey fighter.

"I said I'm fine! You're not my keeper!"

"No, but I'll be your undertaker if you don't start taking better care of yourself." The Autobot shook his head in exasperation. If he had thought that Starscream's coming to him for help was a breakthrough, he had been severely mistaken - if anything, the seeker was now only _more_ waspish and closed-off than he had been before. "_Honestly_, Starscream. You have the entire Decepticon army on your tail, you're flying halfway around the planet and you're going to travel to Cybertron to do Primus-knows-what... _When_ were you planning on refuelling?" There was no response from the other robot. Skyfire heaved a world-weary sigh; Starscream, while in many ways a genius, was sometimes so blinded by the 'bigger picture' that he forgot to pay attention to the smaller, far more important details. Such as, apparently, staying alive. "I thought you had planned all this out?"

"..." Starscream was sullenly silent for a while before he gave any sort of response, and the reply he at last gave was quiet and, for once, truthful. "... I didn't expect you to say yes to helping."

Skyfire was taken aback at his brash companion's suddenly small voice, and he could not help but smile as the Starscream of the past shone through the jaded exterior once again. His steely, stern mood softened as a rush of devotion overtook him.

"You moron." He murmured, but it was hardly an insult; the jibe was jovial, light-hearted and affectionate. "Don't worry, I'll sort you out before you go to Cybertron."

---

Starscream knew Megatron too well; just as he had suspected, the silver robot had withdrawn all forces from the Space Bridge in favour of chasing his allegedly traitorous officer. While it was certainly not a laudable strategic action, it was not entirely disasterous (for only the Decepticons knew the co-ordinates of the Bridge's location, of course), and Starscream was thankful, for he did not have the energy for fighting and Skyfire, a born pacifist and reluctant warrior, was not ideal back-up in a battle situation. After circling the vicinity of the facility once, to make absolutely sure there were no guards, the two companions landed and transformed back into their humanoid forms.

Determined not to show another weakness in front of Skyfire, Starscream forced himself to remain upright despite the slight dizziness that lack of energy was causing in his circuits. His efforts, however, were in vain; Skyfire had grasped the seeker's shoulders tightly to steady him almost as soon as the transformation was complete, and, though Starscream tried to pull away, the larger mech's grip was firm. Holding the smaller Transformer like this, Skyfire led them both to the Space Bridge control panel, staring down uncomprehendingly at the buttons and the dials upon it.

"How do you work this, then?" He asked blankly, as Starscream finally succeeded in shrugging his hands from their grip on his shoulders.

"It's not hard. It's already set to Cybertron. You just need to enter the mass being transported and hit go." If the _Autobots_ could commandeer the Bridge, as they had done at least twice before, then, in Starscream's opinion, it needed to have a more complicated and secure lock, but Megatron's attentions whenever the seeker had suggested it, as always, were elsewhere.

"Right." Skyfire caught Starscream by the arm as the seeker moved towards the transportation circle of the Bridge, beginning to open a compartment in his chest with his spare hand. "Hold it, I'm not letting you go until you have the energy to stay alive up there."

"Let _go_." Starscream tried to snatch his arm away, but Skyfire was bigger and was not loosening his grasp. Seeing the open panel on his old friend's body, Starscream stared up at the honest white face suspiciously, viciously demanding: "What the slag are you doing?"

Wordlessly, the Autobot withdrew a thick wire from his open body, somehow with one hand managing to attach it to one of the twin vents on Starscream's chest. Before the seeker could protest, or even fully comprehend what was happening, Skyfire had redirected his internal energon arteries to pump the life-giving fluid into his smaller friend instead.

"Wh - no!" The grey-faced robot protested vehemently, flailing with his free hand, which was caught up by Skyfire before he could dislodge the connection. Already, the commander felt himself growing stronger. "Stop it! What if the Decepticons come back when I've gone? You need the energy! You'll _die_! Your foolish altruism will finish you!"

"I'm glad you care," Skyfire's slightly sarcastic response was calm, though his voice was slightly strained, "but I'm not doing this for free. I told you, Starscream, friendship works both ways. I expect in return to be notified _the instant_ you return to Earth, all right?"

Though Starscream did not like being tethered this way, he had already taken energy from Skyfire and, thus, did not really have a choice. Some small part of him was impressed at Skyfire's apparently good-natured, but ultimately rather manipulative streak - he admired it, though he knew that it was a reluctant development on the other mech's behalf, and only existed to deal with the slippery, deceitful seeker.

"... Very well. I'll adjust your transistors to pick up my wave frequency. You'll know as soon as I'm back within Earth's orbit."

He reached out, carefully programming the dials in Skyfire's chest while the taller robot at last withdrew the energy pipeline, and, for a moment, it was as though they were both back on Cybertron, millions of years in the past; for just a moment, everything was as perfect and synchronised as it had been then, when they had been preparing for a long journey to explore an unchartered planet... together.

"And what will you do, now that you've given me all your energy?" Starscream asked roughly, aware of the almost intimate closeness between them and thus pulling away from Skyfire as soon as he had finished setting the frequency readings.

"I shall move as far away as I can and recuperate, then I shall put out a distress signal to my Autobot allies and tell them I crashed. Don't worry," the white mech added, seeing Starscream's almost accusatory expression, "I won't show them where the Space Bridge is. They won't destroy it, you'll still have a way back."

A curt nod was Starscream's only response as he walked purposefully into the circular transport section of the Bridge. Skyfire stared down at the controls for a moment, seriously considering calling Starscream back and insisting that they both go into hiding together, but he knew that Earth was not safe, and that Starscream would never forgive him for standing in the way of what he wanted. Perhaps a Starscream who had uncovered his answers would be more... _tolerable_ and less arrogant than this Starscream. He could but hope...

Blue optics watched the beams of purple light that appeared and engulfed Starscream as the Autobot activated the controls. For a brief moment, the seeker's jagged form was silhouetted against Earth's blue sky, then, with a flash of bright white, he was gone.

---

Megatron's most loyal lieutenant looked away from his computer as the door to the Space Bridge opened and a familiar winged figure stepped through it, striding forward as though he owned the place, as he usually did, though exuding slight feeling of ... nervousness? apprehension?

"Ah, Starscream?" Shockwave's single yellow optic flashed with every syllable he spoke as he fully turned his purple body towards the approaching commander. "I was not informed that you were arriving..."

"I am here on urgent business." Starscream responded abruptly, his voice tinged ever-so-slightly with an emotion that could have conceivably been construed as relief. "I don't have time to trade pleasantries with you, Shockwave."

"But I have heard nothing from Megatron about your coming here on urgent business." Cybertron's guardian stated, his features, or lack thereof, giving away nothing.

"Megatron is busy fighting the Autobots on Earth, as well you know." Starscream kept his tone clipped and impersonal, and slightly impatient, as would be his usual emotion in this situation. Shockwave had not yet been ordered to arrest him or shoot him on sight, and he had no wish to rouse unneeded suspicion from what was, at the moment, an uninvolved party.

There was no immediate response from Shockwave, so Starscream took his silence for acceptance and moved towards the doorway that led to what had been, once upon a time, the private quarters of the highest-ranking Decepticon officers.

"Stop!" Shockwave commanded suddenly, and Starscream froze in place, glaring around at the impassive face irritably. "You cannot enter without proper authorisation -"

"Shockwave, I _am_ authorisation." Starscream snarled, patience dissolved. His ire, mixed with that nagging sense of urgency, caused the arrogance and hate that had buried and muted itself in Skyfire's company right back to the forefront of his being. "_I_ am the second-in-command of all Decepticons, while _you_ are nothing more than a babysitter for a planet. Megatron does not have the time to tell you every little tidbit of information, but he has the time to give _me_ orders of my own, which I carry out faithfully and efficiently. If you stand in my way of duty, Shockwave, then you are nothing more than a despicable traitor and I will not hesitate in executing you."

"I am loyal to Megatron!" Shockwave insisted, almost indignantly, at Starscream's accusation, and the seeker inwardly smirked at how easily manipulated the Guardian of Cybertron was. When there was no further protest against his proceeding unchecked, the renegade Decepticon briskly left the Cybertron bridge, entering the private quarters he had not been in for aeons. Time was short, he told himself as he strode purposefully past the door to a room that had once been his own, Megatron would surely tire of searching Earth and alert Shockwave to up Cybertron security. When _that_ happened, all hell would break loose.

There, at the very end of the corridor, was the pressure door to the extravagant room that had, long, long ago, been Megatron's personal quarters. The seeker paused outside for but a brief moment before he entered without a backwards glance.


	10. Chapter 9

**The Rest Is Silence**

**Chapter 9 - Truth Absolute**

I carefully closed and locked the door behind me after stepping in to Megatron's old room. If Shockwave was going to be told that I was an outcast, I wanted all the time that I could possibly get to formulate an escape route, and... I was uneasy enough about what I was going to do without the possibility of someone walking in on me and interrupting me.

Megatron's supercomputer looked grim and ominous in the dark. A huge robotic predator. The only light upon it was that of the Cybertronian moons and the multitude of softly glimmering stars, which shone resolutely through a tiny window. As I glanced out of this opening in the thick metal wall, I realised how truly _dead_ Cybertron was. I will not claim to like Earth, in truth I _hate _it as much as I hate the Autobots, but it is... alive. Full of life, of vitality, of colour, of... energy. Cybertron is not, it is empty, a mere shell of what was here once. There is not even enough energy left for weather, we took so much in our war.

I like Earth weather. I like the feeling of the sun warming my body panels, I like the rain running down my helmet and into the vents there. I like the snow most of all. It brings me so much. It is cold and cruel, yet it is one of the most beautiful things I have seen on that otherwise despicable planet. It kills remorselessly and without bias, but many people seem to love it all the same. I should hate the snow, for was it not that merciless white death which took Skyfire from me so long ago? But the snow preserved his body and brought him back to me as though nothing had happened... I still do not know wether or not I am thankful for that. I don't know whether or not I want things to be the way they were, when it was me and Skyfire and no one else. I don't know if I want to live in the past, like he does. So the snow is bittersweet, and for that it has beauty. I wonder what Cybertron would look like, all covered in white?

With such foolish considerations, I blocked the window with a hunk of metal of unidentifyable origin, leaving myself entombed in darkness until I flicked the energy switch to the lights. They sputtered on, rippling in protest at the sudden rush of power after aeons of neglect and disrepair.

Even though I was standing in a room that had been abandoned for millenia, it still felt as though it was in use. Nothing had been disturbed since we left Cybertron so, so long ago. I had not often been allowed in Megatron's personal quarters, unless it was for severe punishment (I had been rather unruly even back then, though my behaviour had certainly deteriorated since arrival and re-activation on Earth) or a briefing so important that it could not be disclosed to other Decepticons, yet, and rather perversely when one considered my reason for even being here, I had remembered every detail perfectly. Lost in a fit of nostalgia, I ran my blue fingers over the keyboard of the computer that, once, had held all of Megatron's secrets.

Hopefully, it still did.

The computer was the only motive I had to come here, of all places. Megatron had been young when he first took command of the Decepticons, and his egomania was not yet held in check by paranoia and subtlety. I knew he had kept a video diary of sorts on this computer - once or twice, on those rare occasions I was admitted into his chambers, I had seen him checking some of the old entries for information. If, as I very strongly suspected, he knew the reason for my amnesia, then there was a good chance that it was stored here, on this computer in front of me...

I hesitated as I reached for the power button.

Perhaps I should not... perhaps I should leave, now - dash for another planet and live in peace, away from Megatron, away from Skyfire, away from the Autobots and the Decepticons and this war. Away from everything. I knew that I was stalling, but I was not sure if I was brave enough to do this. Megatron held some sort of power over me that I did not understand, and I felt, in a way, that I was about to enter forbidden territory by looking up these long-forgotten documents. For some reason, the thought rattled me to my very core and stilled my hand before it could turn the machine on.

Did I have the courage for this?

Yes. For once, I _did_ have courage. I'd come this far. I'd heartlessly used Skyfire, used the pretence of rekindling an old friendship in order to manipulate him into helping me to get here. All that shameful grovelling and humiliating begging (and, slightly less selfishly, all the pain that he would have to endure when he realised that I had betrayed him yet _again_) would be for nothing if I ran like a coward now.

Without a further thought, I viciously jabbed the power button and stared up at the huge screen impatiently as it displayed the machine defragmenting its memory after millions of years of hibernation. After several hundred astroseconds of showing me what the flesh-creature allies of the Autobot pessimistically call the 'Blue Screen of Death', the display moved on to the large, complicated file master program. Cybertronian script glared at me, framed against the huge Decepticon symbol sprawled across the background of the page, and I looked blankly up at the purple image. It mirrored the marks on my wings that showed my allegiance... somwhow, the eyes on the angular logo were almost accusatory, like they were chastising my abandoning the war, as they stared soullessly at me.

"I never betrayed the Decepticons..." I murmured absently in an entirely automatic defence, half to myself and half to the purple image on the screen, as I opened the long order of folders to get to Megatron's video diary. His organisation had been borderline obsessive-compulsive back then. Everything was meticulously divided into correctly named and numbered storage, and, as a result, it was not hard for me to find the files I was looking for. I knew now that Megatron would never be so lax with his security _now_, but, aeons ago, there would have been guards stationed outside the door, and a sentry lock on the keyboard to keep anyone but a Decepticon accessing the computer... that particular device had probably ceased functioning long ago.

At last I found the folder I sought. Calling it open on the screen, I was suddenly faced with an abundance of video databank files. For a moment, all I could do was stare - how _long_ would it take me to go through all of this? - and then I resigned myself to the knowledge that I had no other options left. _Somewhere_ in this clutter of old memories were _mine_, and I would find them before anyone else found _me_.

Despite my tendancies towards the eccentric, I opened the cinedata in chronological order so that I could easily see which to open next, as I had not the time to waste skipping around checking them without a method, as the fancy took me. The process was not nearly as time-consuming as I had feared it would be, for after the first half-minute or so of each, it was obvious whether or not it had potential to be of any use to me. Needless to say, the first videos were all about Megatron's rise to power. I ignored them.

Among these very early videos, however, I caught sight of myself once. Just once. It was when the screen was showing the vicious torture and brutal murder of two Autobot prisoners, who were being forced to battle each other to death simply for nothing more than entertainment of the troops, and being jabbed with a device much like an enlarged human cattle-prod, but so much more powerful and deadly, whenever they refused to attack. Eventually, their sparks had given out and extinguished from sheer exhaustion and emotional overload at the amount of pain they had endured. Having orchestrated a similar set up myself once, I did not at first think much of it; they were the enemy and, once in our clutches, anything we did to them was therefore justified. But I caught a sight of my past self on the screen, and I was surprised at the expression I had on my face - it was... pity. A sort of distressed regret, as though I could not stand the sight of the torture that Megatron was inflicting on the two helpless captives.

Because, then, life had been sacred. I had cared. I remembered caring for any and every living being - simply because they were alive. I was not a killer. Not a torturer. Not an executioner. I was a scientist, an explorer, a lover of nature and of discovery. Life was precious and not for me to take away on a whim, that was what I had believed, once upon a time. When had I become so disillusioned?

Decidedly mellowed at this discovery of my past self, I carried on my scrutinisation of Megatron's once-personal diary. Occasionally I found myself mocking the sort of event he had deemed worthy to record immortally, such as his wicked, barely concealed glee as he reported the loyalty of his many warriors to him; if he had been more experienced as a leader at the time of this useless entry, he would not have been so triumphant over such a mediocre thing - he would have expected it as standard without question.

... It felt like it was hours I spent stood in front of that infernal contraption, carefully checking each and every video file in the databank there. To no avail. Nothing I brought up gave me any enlightenment, and I was beginning to lose hope; perhaps I had been wrong about Megatron, perhaps he really did know nothing about my loss of memory and was hunting me simply because he believed me to be a traitor. Yet that answer did not satisfy me, and so I kept up my search despite my disheartened attitude.

Then, when I was down to the last three files, I _finally_ found it. My past, all contained within one long video. It...

From the moment I opened the file, it was obvious that it would be highly relevent to me. Upon the screen was displayed a room, lit dimly but for the spotlight that focussed pure white light onto an operating table. There I was, my past self, spread-eagled in position and fastened to the illuminated table by my arms and legs. There were two other robots in the room with me - Megatron and another whom I did not recognise.

I paused the video at that point, suddenly feeling a rush of cold fear as my courage left me. This was it, the point of no return. Could I...? _Should_ I...?

_Yes_, I could and I would. Megatron could keep secrets from me no longer, I decided, as I gathered the shattered fragments of my bravery and hit the 'play' button before I could lose my grip again. Even now, even now... I do not know whether or not I regret that decision.

_"What's that?" Megatron asked suspiciously as the nameless robot beside him brought out a long cylindrical piece of metal. There was a horrible low-toned buzzing noise that seemed to penetrate even the metal walls as, with a fine-bladed cutting instrument, the worker scored the metal plating of my arm, gouging out a hole. Then, with a small nibbled blowtorch, he carefully soldered the cylindrical apparatus to a cuboid base, which was inserted into the new hole and fastened in securely._

_"I call it a null ray." He said, and his voice was not one that I remembered as belonging to someone I knew. I studied the robot on the table. He - that is, I - was definitely unconscious. "It negates polarity charges in machines. A great advantage in a war against robots."_

_Megatron watched as the medic carried out the same procedure on my other arm, his expression one of distaste as he complained about the smell of the melting metal and burning circuits. Once the two rays were fitted to my unconscious form, he studied them with a critical air._

_"Is that all? He still seems pretty useless." He said in his gravelly voice, and the medic shrugged, taking out a wicked-looking device seemingly from nowhere and beginning to cut into my red chest panels._

_"They will do for when he is in robot form. What did you say his alternate mode was?"_

_"He's a tetrajet."_

_"Perfect. I shall equip him with cluster bombs, then. That's a respectable arsenal." The medic looked up and then resumed work on me at Megatron's nod of acquiescence._

_For a while, the only noise was the buzzing of the cutting tools and the metal of my chest screeching in protest as it was forcibly ripped aside to make room for the modifications that would give me the ability to launch my cluster bombs. Then, all of a sudden, there was a slight glow of red from the optics of my motionless form, and a rasping noise as my ventilation sucked in air._

_"... f're... Sk'f're..?" The distorted words came from my mouth, and, watching, I was shocked at the sound of my slurred voice. It was laboured and distant, as though it had been neglected for too long. Both standing robots stopped still and turned to glare at my face as I struggled to form words between terrible coughs that sent vapourising energon spraying into the air._

_"I thought you forced his systems into stasis?" Megatron asked of his surgeon furiously. The latter had moved around to my head and was running his hands over my dark helmet, as though he would find answers there._

_"He must have overridden it - it's been known to happen before - rare cases -" Came the hurried reply, punctuated by my occasional tortured whimpers, no doubt the result of my body coming out of the numbness of stasis to the overwhelming agony that must have been coming from the open wound in my torso. Some of my circuits were hanging out, spilled over my waist; the medic had been interrupted as he was attaching the bomb mechanism._

_"Can't you do anything about it!? His whining is trying my patience!"_

_"M-Megatron?" Again I spoke from the table, my voice raspy and tinged with panic as I strained against the bonds that held me securely in place. My head was turned to where Megatron was standing, my optics staring right at him... but apparently I could not see him. "Megatron? Is that you? H-Help me..."_

_Perhaps it was just as well that I could not see the expression of revulsion on Megatron's white face as he stared down at me._

_"What's wrong with his eyes? He's useless to me blind!" My leader asked roughly of the unknown doctor, sneering in distaste as I flinched at the hateful tone in his voice._

_"You told me before I started that he was to have his memories of this wiped." The surgeon stated flatly. "It is easier by far to wipe memories if they are made entirely of sound - if they have no images. I have disconnected his optic receptors so that, if he did wake up, he would not have any visual recollection of this."_

_"Megatron - Megatron, please, where are you?" My voice was awash with panic and anguish now as I called out for Megatron. Watching the image of me on the table, I realised that I knew why I was calling him - he was the only one I knew who would protect me. I believed he would comfort me, he would shelter me, take away the hurting..._

_"Can't you cut his vocal circuitry? I can't stand his pathetic, screechy voice!" Megatron's response to my pleas for help carried enough venom and hatred to silence me, and I did not call out for him again as the medic opened my throat and disconnected the wire that gave me a voice._

_Now that I had been silenced, my leader and his forgotten worker carried on their alterations and upgrades on me. At last, at long last, I watched the medic close the panel on my chest and solder it back together until there was but a thin scar - and already, my automated repair systems were beginning to weld that evidence away. Soon there would be no sign that there was ever a cut there._

_Megatron stared sceptically down at me and then turned to the surgeon, who was putting away his tools, clear under the impression that they were finished._

_"Don't put those away just yet. I still need to you work on him." The cold command came forth, and the nameless robot turned in surprise._

_"But Megatron, if I give him any more weapons, his circuits will overload -" He protested, but Megatron held up his hand for silence._

_"This isn't about weapons. He has enough as it is now, but he is still useless to me." At the medic's blank stare, Megatron shook his head and continued. "He excels at everything - his intelligence is astounding - and he has proven his devotion and loyalty to me enough times, but he has one major shortcoming. He refuses to _kill_. He refuses to even shoot to injure. I cannot have a warrior who will not fight, no matter how great his potential is. I need you to... fix this for me."_

_As he was saying these words, he had been fiddling with another metal plate on my chest, and, now that he had moved slightly out of the camera's line, I could see what he had done. He had opened the compartment that house my most precious component, and my spark glimmered, exposed to the world. I was horrified; I felt ill, so dreadfully ill after what I had just witnessed, and I had a feeling that what I was about to see would be even worse, but something, some inexplicable force, compelled me to keep watching the sick diary through to the end._

_The medic was staring at my essence, optics narrowed in confusion, but they widened when Megatron continued speaking in a triumphant, power-crazed tone._

_"It shall be like playing god! I want you to erase the part of his soul that cares about other beings. Transform him into the ultimate killing machine, faithful to no one but me!"_

_"I - I can't! If it goes wrong, it could kill him, or leave him permanently disabled!" The doctor was backing away, shaking his head in disbelief, but Megatron caught him by the arm, encouraging him to carry out the ultimate surgery._

_"If you succeed then I shall have an unstoppable warrior in my service, and you shall be rewarded accordingly. If it fails then he is useless to me. This does not worry, he is easily replaceable, the only marked difference between him and any other of my forces is his intelligence. If you do not try, then he remains useless to me because of his pacifism and I shall have to disassemble him for parts."_

_After a moment, the medic nodded in resignation and took one of his instruments in hand, examining my soul closely. I watched in wide-eyed horror as he selected a circuit and attached the end of the instrument to it, reversing the polarity -_

_But it failed._

_There was a blinding flash of light as the small operating room was filled with an explosion. Both Megatron and his nameless henchman were thrown backwards, away from my restrained body. I watched as the image of myself jerked violently, a horrendous scream seeming to come from my throat despite my lack of a voice, before lying worryingly still._

_"What happened?" Megatron demanded, waving his hand to clear the smoke from his face, staring at the medic who was in turn studying my spark scrupulously._

_"There's an extra current here!" He gasped after a while. "His spark! It's mutated!"_

_"Can you fix it?" My leader demanded, and the surgeon shook his head, carefully closing the panel._

_"No. It's impossible to tell which is the mutant circuit. Cutting the wrong one would have disasterous results."_

_"And how will this mutation affect him? Can I still use him in my army, or is he worthless?" Megatron asked coldly, and, once again, the medic shrugged._

_"It's impossible to tell. I don't know of any instance when that sort of surgery has been tried before. If we're lucky, he'll just end up slightly on the wrong side of sanity. If we're not lucky, then his conscious might have died and he'll be an empty husk..."_

... I don't know what else, if anything, was said. The video ran to a finish less than half a minute after that, but I had stopped listening. The next thing that I was aware of was that the computer had been turned off, but I do not remember doing it.

I felt... empty. Numb. As though a part of my soul, of my very being, had died right then and there. I suppose, in a way, it had. This, then, was what had changed me. Megatron. He had singled me out for my intelligence and nothing more, befriended me when I was at my most vulnerable and tried to alter my personality so that I would serve him well. He had succeeded, but, in a way, he had failed too. That was what I was. A failed experiment.

A terrible, overwhelming sense of betrayal took ahold of me as broken fragments of memories hit me. Megatron had met me when I was in depression, mourning the loss of Skyfire. He had been everything that I was praying for, everything that I was craving, that I was missing...

I had needed Megatron. I had _loved_ him. And he repayed my devotion by...

What gave him the right? What gave him the right to change me, to play with me as though I was a toy, a vessel, a _tool_ that could be easily discarded and replaced? Was it because I loved him as I had, once, loved Skyfire, and was thus unquestioningly loyal to him - was that what gave him the right? Did he have the right because I was a pacifist in a time of war? ... Had I deserved it? Was it my punishment for losing Skyfire on Earth? My punishment for being so torn and alone that I ended up turning Megatron into a substitute Skyfire? Megatron had become my Skyfire, I had channelled all my love into him and it was as though I had never lost my one true friend. Was this abomination that I had been submitted to punishment for forgetting the _real_ Skyfire?

So my soul was mutated. What did that mean for me? I _knew_ that I was halfway insane. I had thought that losing Skyfire had caused it. Perhaps it had, but now it seemed more likely that it was because of my damaged spark. My broken being. Broken. Yes, that was a good word. Broken. A shattered soul, that was what Megatron had given me in return for my adoration. But it had backfired, his perfect plan. It made me a thoughtless killer, his tampering, yes it did, but it took away my sense of love and loyalty for him. It gave me an ambitious streak that ruled me, and endangered him, for it made me crave the very position he held over me.

No wonder he had tried so hard to keep me from finding the truth. If it got out that he had attempted to alter my spark... it _could_ potentially undermine the Decepticon cause. It was immoral. Forbidden. Wrong. I suppose I don't know that nameless doctor because Megatron probably killed him as soon as he was done serving his purpose, in case he used the record of the experiment as blackmail.

What gave Megatron the right to - !

The emptiness inside me was being filled by hatred and anger against the leader of the Decepticons. How many times had he beaten me, attacked me for minor mistakes? Was that because I was but a failure in his eyes? Had my promotion to air commander and then second-in-command been solely to keep me under close watch in case my mutation should cause me to lose rationality and deteriorate into a psychotic mess? I would show him that I was _not_ his toy. I would get him back for this!

I was only barely aware of Shockwave entering the room. The smell of molten metal told me he had burned the lock off. But I didn't care. I was past caring. Nothing mattered anymore but revenge. Nothing mattered. It didn't matter that Shockwave was speaking to me - I didn't hear the words anyway. Unresistingly, I let him lead me back towards the Space Bridge at gunpoint. He thought I was a traitor, Megatron must have told him at last, then. I didn't care. I was being sent back to Earth.

Back to Megatron!


	11. Chapter 10

**The Rest Is Silence**

**Chapter 10 - Starscream's Revenge**

Resentment and abhorrence. That was all I felt. They leaked into the bitter void within me, filling me and making me feel like a whole person again. I clung to them, for they were all that was keeping me sane at that moment. I would make Megatron regret everything that he had ever put me through, this I promised myself over and over, and that thought gave me a glint of a purpose again.

Shockwave needn't have called for the guardian-drone escort he had arranged for me. They needn't have kept me at gunpoint while leading me back to the Space Bridge. I didn't care about freedom now. They were sending me back to Earth, back to Megatron, and that was fine by me. I didn't resist my captors at all. I had no reason to. Shockwave was saying something to me - I saw his single optic flashing, as it always does when he speaks - but I didn't really hear the words. I assume it was something sarcastic about loyalty. Whatever. Everything just joined the background humming in my audios. Nothing mattered. Nothing mattered but inflicting pain on Megatron.

I unresistingly let the guardian-drones push me into the transport circle of the Bridge, and, through vision that had seemed thick and disjointed since what I had witnessed on the cine-diary, saw Shockwave standing at the controls, ready to send me back.

No more fear!

Had Megatron programmed me to be a coward? Or was that another ghost from my _real_ self? ... Either way, my desire for revenge, for Megatron to _acknowledge_ what he had put me through, even if I could not for an instant make him regret it, just to have him notice me at last - that desire, that anger and that utter, all-consuming hatred chased all semblence of fear and apprehension out of me. I had finally become the killing machine that he had wanted when he took me into his 'care'. How ironic that _he_ would be the one I would kill!

My last glimpse of Cybertron was blocked by the dazzling white light of the Space Bridge. At the time, I drew so many metaphors from that split second of light, as I was travelling through space... it leads me to the conclusion that I really _had_ lost my mind. This was true insanity, then, not the filtered-down version I had been dealing with for the past several million years. I had finally gone all the way, no more rationality, just non-sensical thoughts and a burning, seething hatred. Perhaps if I had any feelings left in me, I would be able to enjoy my vengeance. But I had run out of emotions. No more to feel. I just was.

The gates to the Space Bridge transportation circle opened, and I was back in the wind-swept wasteland where Skyfire had said goodbye to me. There was no sign of him, of course. In his place, standing in front of me as though mocking me, his black fusion cannon pointed at my head, was Megatron. There was a jeering, taunting smirk playing about his face as he beckoned with his free arm; it was only then I noticed that he had the entire Decepticon Earth fleet behind him. He must have called them to see my execution. So that my death would set an example to any other warriors who may harbor rebellious beliefs, scare them into loyalty.

... Sod _that_ in the ear! I was _done_ with being used!

"Step forward, traitor!" Megatron's gravelly voice cut through audios and into my brain like so many surgical lasers. "Step forward and die like a warrior!"

I stepped forwards, and Megatron's optics narrowed almost imperceptibly at my acquiescence. Then I stepped forwards again. And again, until I was standing barely three feet away from my hated leader. Without really seeing it, I stared straight into the dark, endless barrel of the deadly weapon.

"Any last words?" He was dragging it out. He always did when he had another at his mercy - like he thought I was. He liked to gloat, to humiliate, to violate... and, often, it gave his victims enough time to escape with their lives. For a while, I played along with him, not speaking - in reality, I was trying to gather my sanity enough to make a sound that could be construed as a sentence.

"...Was it fun?" Eventually I managed to ask. My voice was quiet and it did not sound like my own. The fusion cannon lowered a little as Megatron began chuckling.

"Has fear finally driven you insane, Starscream?" He was clearly in good humour, as he stood there laughing at me. "What are you babbling about?"

"Playing god." I stated, quite calmly. Let him laugh. It would all be over soon. "Did it give you a kick? When you ripped my soul apart?"

The laughter was gone from his face now. It was replaced with anger, and a tinge of fear. I held a secret in my hands now, I could potentially use it to destroy him and his whole crusade, and he realised what a powerful weapon it was - but to do such a thing would mean I would have to tell the other Decepticons what an abomination _I_ was, and that I could never do. I knew that. Megatron didn't.

"You _saw_ -" He hissed, the cannon suddenly shoved in my face again. I coldly pushed it aside with one wrist and, with reflexes born of the bitter fury that now controlled my body, my hands were around his neck as I gripped him as he had me so many times before, interrupting whatever he was saying. Before he could react, I began to squeeze as hard as I could. It was not an attack designed to kill, for we do not need to breathe, but the metal of our faces and necks is soft and pliable, and especially sensitive to pain.

I only held him like that for a few seconds, but I lived in that moment for as long as I could. The feeling of crushing him in my hands, as he had crushed me, was intoxicating; for but a moment, I felt alive again, as he fought back anguished noises and tried to pry my hands from him.

Then the rest of the Decepticons descended upon me, and Megatron was torn out of my grip. From then it was a flurry of metal; my sight was blocked by colours and weapons as each warrior tried to bring me down. I fought like a beast posessed, borrowing strength from the manic lust to avenge myself. Somehow, some miracle enabled me to keep fighting under that onslaught. Caught up in a bloodlust as I was, I do not remember much of it; there were bodies flying this way and that as I carelessly tossed my former allies aside in my eagerness to reach Megatron, who was stood nursing his neck, slightly away from the fray.

Amazingly, I broke free, away from the chaos, and cannoned myself straight into Megatron's unprotected chest, knocking him to the floor. He tried to get up, but I placed my foot on his chest and stared down at him, my entire body trembling with anger. Wordlessly, I brought my arm up so that one of my null rays was pointed straight at his forehead. I wasn't like him. I didn't want to gloat, to mess around. I wanted him to acknowledge what he had put me through, to repent, and then to die in despair. Seeing their leader threatened so, the Decepticons who remained loyal froze, suddenly unsure of whether or not to attack me and risk me shooting Megatron before I could be pulled away from him.

Perversely, Megatron seemed to be the only one who was not uneasy. In fact, he was smiling. That pile of scrap was laughing at me again!

"What now, Starscream?" He smirked, and I kicked him in the head to wipe the expression from his stupid face. When he looked at me again, a resentful glare had overtaken where the smile had been moments before. I felt a sneer cross my own face as I spoke the answer that was surely obvious:

"I'm going to kill you." I didn't say it tauntingly. It was just a blank, matter-of-fact statement. I saw several of the Decepticons, including Soundwave, tense up and aim their weapons at me, but, still, Megatron did not seem afraid. Instead, my answer seemed to have cheered him up, which irritated me even more. I did not have long to wonder at Megatron's apparent growth of a backbone, for he made it clear to me in what he said next.

"You can't kill me." His voice was triumphant, and the tone sickened me to the core. "You won't let yourself. I _created_ you!" I stared at him uncomprehendingly as he continued. "I'm imprinted on your conscious as your Creator. Why do you think I've kept you around despite your tendancies to treachery? You aren't a real threat to me.To kill me would be to forsake your own existance!"

"Then... I deny everything that I am!" I snarled at him in a voice barely above a whisper, and his optics widened in disbelief as I shoved the end of my null ray between them, aiming straight for his cranial capacitators. That expression would be his last, I was finally going to do it, to rid myself of this parasite, this leech who had taken everything from me - all it needed was for me to fire the very weapon he had forcibly fused onto my arm -

I couldn't do it. For all my words, for all my anger, for the overwhelming emptiness inside me... I could not deny myself. Megatron was right. I _could not_.

My weapon moved a fraction to the side in my uncertainty, and that moment of hesitation cost me dearly. Seeing my weakness, the silver mech kicked upwards with both feet, catching me hard in the stomach. I was taken by surprise, and I flew backwards, landing on my back some feet away. I was not able to get to my feet before Megatron was standing over me; every single Decepticon weapon was trained carefully on me, and I knew that I would not stand a chance if I moved at all.

"You have dared too much." Megatron sounded furious as he towered over me. The sun was behind him, silhouetting him... he looked so perfect. So godlike. For but a fleeting moment I saw the Megatron that I had loved, not the one who had hated me. My illusion was shattered as Megatron placed his white foot upon the golden canopy on my chest, mimicking what I had done to him just minutes before, pressing down hard, pushing me into the dirt. He placed so much of his weight on that foot as he leant forwards to aim his cannon at my neck that the reinforced perspex began to crack open.

My anger was dissipating; I was beginning to feel the pain from my chest, but it was far outweighed by the fear I felt at this familiar position; Megatron over me, about to beat me into submission again... it was the same as always. Why, _why_ was I so weak? Why couldn't I kill him and escape this cycle once and for all? I cursed myself for being afraid of my leader even as the apprehension chased all of my fury out of me, robbing me of my voice. Megatron holds a power over me that I cannot understand. I... am his to command, and he commands fear. Always.

His foot still on my chest, keeping me pinned to the ground, Megatron reached down with one hand, wrapping around the side of my head and gripping hard, lifting me up off the ground as far as my upper body would let me move. I tried not to show him that I was deathly afraid of him, struggling feebly, trying to throw him off me, until his cannon caught me a blow to my temple and I fell limp in his hands, stunned, yet still shuddering spasmodically - this time out of terror rather than anger. I hate how scared of him I get.

"Die." There was no malevolent bragging tone, no gloating over the fallen enemy... there was just displeasure and vexation that filled me with shame - even now, he could make me feel guilty for angering him! - and I watched his beloved weapon. I would watch it take my life and extinguish it. Death would be such a sweet release from this empty existence...

Megatron was thrown off me by a bright orange beam, which came from out of my peripheral vision to strike him in the side. He fell with a cry of alarm, and the air was suddenly alive with voices. Turning my head, I saw Skyfire standing tall, his laser rifle aimed at Megatron, the tip glowing slightly red... so it had been he who had shot to save me... and behind him, what looked like almost the entire Autobot army, commanded by that insufferable Optimus Prime.

It was an adequate distraction. The Decepticons, who had been watching me very closely, without warning had a new and more immediately dangerous enemy to take their attention. My former comrades turned from me to fire upon the Autobots, who retaliated with all their usual zeal. What had, moments before, been an execution site was now a battlefield.

I took a moment to recuperate, to try to piece together the fragments of my mutilated psyche, before moving to scrabble away from the conflict and back into hiding, but, before I could move very far at all, strong arms had swept me up and held me in a tight embrace. I struggled against the sudden restraint, flailing blindly, until Skyfire's calming voice told me that I was in safe hands.

"Steady - steady, Starscream. It's ok. It's all right, I've got you, you're safe now."

Mentally exhausted and emotionally bare, I blissfully allowed myself to pass into semi-consciousness in the security of Skyfire's arms, realising as I brought my hand up to hold his shoulder (as though to prove to myself that he was real and not a hallucination, an image conjured by my madness) that this was home.


	12. Chapter 11

**The Rest Is Silence**

**Chapter 11 - Together At Last**

Skyfire flew as far away from the conflict between the Autobots and the Decepticons as he could while carrying Starscream, at last coming to land in a small clearing, completely surrounded by temperate deciduous forest. Starscream had by then slipped into full stasis - the poor thing had been completely spent when Skyfire had plucked him from the battlefield to take him to safety, and the large white Autobot found himself being eaten by worry; what had happened on Cybertron? Would Starscream recover?

Gently, Skyfire set his friend on the ground in as comfortable a position as he could manage and sat back, leaning against a huge oak tree to watch the prone figure before him. How peaceful the seeker looked; a stark contrast to the tensed, troubled robot that he had been when Skyfire had set eyes on him in the split second before firing on Megatron. Just thinking of that silver egomaniac made Skyfire's blue optics narrow in anger. While he had not been reactivated for long enough to truly understand the effect Megatron's war had had on the Autobots and Cybertron, that Megatron had tried to kill Starscream was reason enough to hate him.

Reaching out with one hand, the white mech cradled the side of Starscream's head that Megatron had viciously gripped in their confrontation, smoothing his fingers over the grey metal, eventually letting his careful administrations run from the helmet to the slightly lighter cheek, then down to the sleeping figure's neck, then back over the cheek again. It was a shame that Starscream seemed to have developed some sort of haphephobia - a distinct fear of touch - in his time with the Decepticons; in better days on Cybertron, he would often, in times of great stress or discomfort, encourage Skyfire to pet him as he was doing now, saying that it calmed him down and made him feel safe. Then again, Skyfire doubted that, over the millenia since his crash on Earth, Starscream had been touched by many people at all, barring Megatron of course - and Megatron's touch was neither kind nor caring, so it was hardly a wonder that Starscream now associated _all_ touch with pain.

The Autobot was startled when his wandering hand was caught by Starscream's and held crushingly tight as the ex-Decepticon's red optics flashed on, the null ray on the other arm moving to point at the potential attacker in a purely instinctual reaction born from war. Skyfire wisely decided not to move, waiting patiently for Starscream to recognise him. It took a moment for Starscream to realise quite who it was he was threatening, then the seeker wordlessly dropped Skyfire's arm, hauling himself into a sitting position with his knees pulled up to his chest and his shoulders hunched over them, as though trying to make himself as small as possible.

Watching this uncharacteristic display of insecurity, Skyfire was overtaken by a new wave of worry and concern. He longed to put his arm around those shoulders in a comforting gesture but he knew that Starscream would be reluctant to allow such a thing, now that he was conscious again. Besides... he felt somewhat awkward in Starscream's company now, for some unfathomable reason; perhaps it was the smaller mech's insecurity that threw unpleasant memories from darker days at the very beginning of their relationship on Cybertron into Skyfire's mind, or perhaps it was that he didn't really know what had happened to the seeker and therefore was unsure of where to start and what to say to try and comfort him.

"... I take it you found your truth, then?" He asked quietly, after several agonising astroseconds spent watching Starscream stare dully out into the distance. There was no indication from the smaller robot that he had heard the question at all; his expression conveyed nothing but lassitude, and this same lifelessness carried in his voice when he at last answered.

"I don't want to tell it to you."

"I'm not asking you to." Unable to stand the disquiet that Starscream's ennui caused within him, Skyfire shuffled over to sit next to the other robot, hesitantly resting a hand on one of the grey wings. There was no sign of aversion, and this filled the Autobot with confidence, encouraging him to slowly move his hand along the wing's top ridge, from base to tip, in slow, soothing caresses. Starscream's shoulders tightened at first, but, as he became used to the touch, he relaxed into it the barest inch, giving Skyfire courage to try another question. "Are you... happier? For knowing?"

Starscream shuddered briefly, and Skyfire abruptly stopped his gentle strokes in case he was distressing his old friend. As the contact between them was broken, Starscream raised his head to meet Skyfire's blue optics with his own red.

"I... I don't know." He could only hold the gaze for a moment, and then he turned his head away, as though ashamed of something, though Skyfire could not for the life of him work out what it could be. Automatically, his hand reached out to resume his reassuring smoothing over Starscream's wings, but the seeker flinched away at the barest pressure on his limb, hissing. "_Don't touch me!_"

There was an uncomfortable silence between the two of them which appeared to drag on for an eternity, Starscream lost in his torpor and Skyfire trying to work his way through the conflicting signals of a desperate need for attention and a wish to be left alone that the seeker was giving. Eventually, the deafening muteness was broken, not by the white scientist, but by the grey-faced warrior.

"You promised you wouldn't attack the Space Bridge." His tone was accusatory, and sounded almost as though he had spoken just so that he did not have to listen to the lack of noise there had been, as though he had looked for something - _anything _- to say, but did not want to seem in need of compassion, so had spoken harshly. Still trying to hide behind a mask of toughness and independence that was breaking away with every passing second. Skyfire looked downcast as the red glare searched him for answers, bowing his head slightly as he apologised.

"I'm sorry. Optimus and the others reached me just as I received a signal from that wavelength you programmed me on to. We were just about to leave when it started getting weaker... I - I panicked, I thought you were dying..." Raising his head again, the blue-eyed Autobot fearlessly met Starscream's gaze as he spoke next, laying his heart openly and honestly before his old friend. "I don't want to lose you, not again, not now that I finally have you back."

At that, Starscream sneered and turned his back, his optics again staring at a patch of tangled bracken and brambles.

"I'm not yours. You don't have me. I belong to Megatron."

"You're still saying that, even _now?"_ Skyfire couldn't believe what he was hearing, unable to accept that, even after everything, Starscream was still vouching for Megatron, and this inability to understand caused his voice to rise in frustration. "He would have killed you, without a thought! Do you _want_ to die? Because that's what will happen if you go back to him, he has used you for as long as he dares and now he is trying to erase you... _why_ can't you see it?"

It was only after this outburst that Skyfire noticed Starscream's red shoulders - they were trembling. It was only a tiny movement, but it was there all the same, and that slight shivering spoke of such defeat that all of Skyfire's anger was forgotten in an instant.

"Starscream..." Uncertainly, the Autobot reached out one white hand, gingerly laying it on one of the quivering shoulders - and, this time, Starscream did not pull away, or hiss a complaint. "Why are you doing this to yourself?"

To Skyfire's surprise, and somewhat guilty delight, Starscream pressed himself backwards up against the familiar comforting bulk of the larger robot's chest, though he seemed to be disassociating himself from his surroundings somewhat. Unsure whether Starscream was even aware of what he was doing, Skyfire draped his own arms over the seeker's shoulders in a semi-hug, revelling in the contact he had not been allowed for so many millions of years, committing the feeling to memory before his grey-faced companion had a chance to push him away again.

"I can't do it." The smaller mech stated at last, apparently answering Skyfire's question, though the response made no real sense to the latter. The bland sentence was accompanied by a blue fist hitting the loam of the woodland floor in vexation, which was a confounding contrast to the action of leaning his dark head back to fit perfectly into the crook where Skyfire's arm joined his torso, looking up to the bewildered blue eyes above him as though they held the answers he seeked. His puzzling, utterly contradictory actions and abrupt mood-swings were mirroring the confusion he felt in his mind and in his spark. "Why can't I do it? Why can't I recant my existance? I'm so tired of trying."

"But..." Skyfire began, nonplussed, considering the possibility of whatever truth Starscream had found to be bad enough to cause the Decepticon to grow so tired of life. As soon as Starscream had moved his head into that position - Primus, how _perfectly_ they fit together! - Skyfire had begun to carefully pet the dark grey helmet. "Why on Cybertron would you want to _do_ such a thing?"

"So I can kill Megatron." Spoken plainly, as though Skyfire should have already known the answer.

"You can't just shoot him?"

"No, he somehow managed to imprint himself upon me as my Creator when he rewired my spark -" Starscream broke off hurriedly, staring at the floor in horror. He hadn't meant to say it, it had just slipped out, he had been so at ease in Skyfire's embrace... Now Skyfire knew what a freak, what an _abomination_ he was! He pulled away from his friend quickly, not daring to look at his face, scared of the expression he might find there - it would surely be hatred, revulsion, just like Megatron's expression always was -

"He _what_?" There it was, the sound of outrage. Starscream flinched, covering his head with his arms to protect himself as Skyfire all but roared the last word, and he heard a crack as the larger mech's fist hit a tree trunk with resounding force, splintering the living wood right up to the topmost branches. A flash of white metal had entered his vision and, for but a moment, his fevered, unstable mind convinced him it was Megatron, come to punish him. But the retribution Starscream was preparing himself for never came. Instead, there were just more angry words, and, with each one spoken, the Decepticon realised that they were not directed at him. "How _dare_ he!? How could he - the very idea - How, _how dare he?_"

Crouching on the ground, so that he could still make a quick getaway if he needed to, Starscream took Skyfire's incoherent splutterings to build up enough courage to turn and look at his old friend again. There was... no hatred. There was anger, yes, but it was anger at Megatron for tampering with an innocent life rather than anger at Starscream for having a corrupted soul - and Starscream realised that this was just what he had needed. In a recurring cycle, in almost exactly the same way as had happened on Cybertron so many aeons ago, he had needed reassuring that he was _not_ a criminal simply for being alive, someone to accept him for what he was. Back then, he had turned to Megatron, and now it was Skyfire taking that role of saviour... and Starscream actually felt as though he had worth again. How different his life would have been if, instead of Megatron, it had been, for example, Optimus Prime he had turned to, back then...

Skyfire seemed to have burned his anger out, sitting defeatedly back upon the ground with a depressed sigh.

"When you said you'd lost your memories, I never thought -" He shook his head and tried again. "What kind of monster - Ugh. That's _sickening_. Megatron has gone too far. How, Starscream, how did you get tangled up with that sort of fiend?"

Seeing he was in no immediate danger, the seeker allowed himself to sit, though he did not move closer to Skyfire, or even consider going back to the secure embrace he had pulled away from upon revealing his lost memories.

"He helped me to forget you." His reply was subdued; with each passing moment, he seemed less and less like the abrasive Decepticon commander and more like the shy little scientist he had been, once upon a time. "When you were gone, he helped me forget you, he was the first one to really speak to me and he was kind like you, and... and his arms were strong like yours when he held me and told me that it would all be all right..." When that last sentence was spoken, Starscream wrapped his own arms tightly around himself in a lonely, isolating grip, hunching over them slightly, his next words escaping his mouth in a soft moan. "I love him, Skyfire, even now, I tell myself I hate him but I, I love him all the same... because he became you, he became you. I used him to replace you, and it was like I had never lost you, so when he betrayed me it was like you were too - but I still can't break my devotion, I can't hate him, not for long, and I _can't_ kill him. I don't, I don't know what to _do _anymore..."

The white Autobot had said nothing while listening to the murmured confession, though each declaration Starscream made of his adoration for Megatron hurt a little bit more than the last - that poor, poor fool - and now he turned his gaze to the skies, wishing, hoping that an answer would present itself in the clouds. Of course, there was no such miracle.

"What do you want, Starscream?" He asked, still fixedly staring upwards.

"I just want to be happy. I don't want to be upset like this, it's not _like_ me, all this need for another person, it's not like me at all." Starscream shook his head violently when he saw Skyfire about to protest. "_No_, Skyfire, it's not like me! I'm not the same person you knew, I have a different soul now, so all this moping isn't like me. I don't need anyone! I'm a warrior, I _can't_ need anyone..."

"Starscream." Skyfire said sternly, silencing the seeker's babbling. "Megatron is _not_ here and neither are the Decepticons. You don't _have_ to be anything any more. You can choose what you want to be. It's your life now, not theirs. Just... be who you want to be and find your happiness, wherever it lies."

"And what if it's not with you?" The grey-faced robot asked accusingly, assuming that Skyfire was trying to manipulate him into staying in their close friendship.

"... I shall be upset, but the knowledge that you are content is all I need. _That's_ what love is, Starscream. Not whatever twisted lie Megatron has fed you. From what you tell me... he _never_ loved you, he pretended to so that you would give everything to him willingly and so that he could take whatever was left. That's not love, that's not even friendship, he doesn't care at all for you and he never has... I am sorry that I was not able to protect you from that parasite when he first latched on to you, but allow me to take up that role now. Even if your happiness is not with me, I am almost certain that Megatron will only leave you doubting your own worth again."

"You don't know anything. You don't understand." Starscream had come out of his ball, speaking sullenly - but his heart was not really in it, and, as a result, there was no real feeling behind the words. Skyfire had a distinct feeling that they had been said just to keep up a facade of bravery and toughness that was crumbling and shaky.

"Then help me to." The white Autobot leaned back against the same tree he had splintered earlier tiredly; Starscream was alternating between moods and emotions abruptly and unpredictably, and trying to keep up with him was exhausting. If he had been unhinged before the quick trip to Cybertron, then he was almost irretrievably gone now.

"I can't. _I_ don't understand either. They did something to my spark, it mutated."

That caught Skyfire's attention.

"M-_Mutated_!?" He blurted, sitting bolt upright. "Primus, I thought he had just altered it - that maniac, he _mutated_ your _spark_ - what happened, do you know?"

"...Yes, an extra circuit appeared..." Starscream was staring at Skyfire; he had thought, perhaps foolishly in retrospect, that Skyfire would have known about the mutation the instant that it was let slip Megatron had tampered with the seeker's soul at all. The puzzled look morphed into suspicion when the taller robot held out a white hand invitingly.

"Come here, Starscream... please." The Autobot kept his hand out to his reluctant friend, who was glaring at it almost as though it was the tip of a fusion cannon. "I'm not going to hurt you."

"What are you going to do?" Demanded the Decepticon, not moving.

"I'm just going to take a look - if I may, that is?"

The grey face twisted in distaste, and, for a long moment, it looked as though Starscream would decline. Skyfire kept his hand out hopefully, and he was could not resist a slight smile as the smaller mech finally rose and moved towards him.

"Fine. But look _only_. Don't you dare try and 'fix' me."

Skyfire moved a little so that Starscream could comfortably sit in his lap, and he did so, reclining back against the white chest again. The scientist waited for the nod of acquiescence before he continued, and Starscream tried to relax in the warm embrace, though he could not stop himself from quivering timorously as Skyfire's hands opened the reinforced metal compartment in his chest that housed is very soul.

It felt like an age that they stayed in that position; Starscream loathed feeling so exposed, having someone else intrude upon his most private, most personal self, especially after what had happened the last time that that little, innocuous chamber had been opened by someone he had trusted. Even though Skyfire touched only with his eyes, the grey-faced warrior grew severely antsy at the scrutiny, feeling, in some strange way, that his core, his entire self, was being violated. And yet, perversely, he knew that, should Skyfire ask again to study his spark, he would consent. Because Skyfire was...

Skyfire was everything. In spite of all his bravado, all his insisting that he was better off alone, Starscream knew that, could now recognise that, as long as Skyfire was beside him and could call him 'friend'... then he was home.

"There you go." Said robot reverently shut the red panel on Starscream's chest, once again hiding his soul from the world. Upon seeing the expectant red glare, the Autobot could not suppress a chuckle. "Oh, don't look at me like that, I'm not omniscient. I'd have to research before I knew what exactly has happened."

He shifted a bit, expecting Starscream to leap at the oppurtunity to get away from the touch, and was pleasantly surprised when the smaller mech opted to stay in his arms. Starscream himself was quite content to leave his cares for the moment, to pretend that they were still on Cybertron and nothing had happened to change what had been between them once. It was easier than thinking about what he should do next. Now that there was an option for life again. Now that he had a future again.

He wasn't sure whether he could stay with Skyfire, despite how perfect it was. It was wonderful for short-term, but there were so many conflictions and complications... he had a tough decision now. A tough decision between many, many roads. Some would lead to pain, some would lead to death - and there were only a precious few that would lead him to happiness.

Already, it seemed, two choices were floating above the rest in his mind, which was steadily clearing itself of the fog that his brief, waning insanity had manifested as. But which to take?

Starscream allowed himself to relax against Skyfire's chest, staring at the other robot's hands around his red waist. Yes... taking it all into account, there was only one logical option for him to take to assure himself a satisfactory future.

One logical choice that would give him a home of safety, security, love... and peace at last.


	13. Epilogue

**Author Note: **To all of you who have read this story - thank you for staying with me to the end. To all of you who have taken the time to leave feedback, either by way of review or something as small as adding this story to your alerts or favourites list - this is dedicated to you. Without your continuing support, I would not be able to continue writing.

* * *

**The Rest Is Silence**

**Epilogue**

_My future was my own, I had finally been free to make a decision and take my life in my own hands again. Skyfire had managed what I had thought was impossible; he had pulled me back from my madness, managed to heal me to a sane, if slightly unstable, state of mind, as I had been before that episode in my life. His was a promise of safety. There was surely only one sensible choice for me to take, and that was his offer of security and love. It would guarantee me happiness, a friend, everything missing from my life, everything I had been craving, everything that Megatron had denied me. Skyfire loved me, I knew that, and I was beginning to rediscover my love for him after so long trying to forget him. He even offered to leave the Autobots for me, so that we could escape to some faraway planet and live in peace together. Just the two of us, in perfection. Surely the decision had already been made for me?_

_... I left him._

_I rejoined the Decepticons._

_Megatron agreed to let me back in. I made a deal with him. If he would forgive me my deviance and give me back my command, I would swear to never again mention the illegal experiments he had carried out on me. All I had to endure was a swift, if brutal, beating as punishment for my attempting to kill him, and the whole incident was forgotten. As though nothing had ever happened._

_It seems like a foolish decision, doesn't it? To cast Skyfire aside and flee from the happiness he gave to me, only to end up back in the cycle of lies and treachery in the Decepticon ranks. But it was my only real option. I knew that, even as I was sitting cradled in Skyfire's arms in that clearing. It was my only choice._

_I was, and still am, simply not strong enough to break free. I do not have the courage to throw away a secure position, such as my rank in the Decepticon army, to chase a paradise that may be fleeting or that I may never find, and I have been alone for far too long, been exposed to Megatron and his twisted isolating law of "survival of the fittest" for too long to ever be truly comfortable sharing myself with another person. And I had been dangerously close to sharing myself with Skyfire again. If I had stayed... it may have become awkward for me, I may have ended up panicking and hurting him even more. _

_There was also the added complication of my new personality. In the past, I would have leapt at the chance to live a quiet life with Skyfire, but that was not me anymore. I am ambitious and power-hungry; I can _not_ sit still in a single place for any great length of time. Going with Skyfire to a planet where there was no war probably sounds like paradise to peace-lovers, but it would only have succeeded in making me antsy and unsettled. I would have ended up spoiling for a fight, to destroy, and I would have probably taken that frustration out on my closest friend. So I rebuked him, I discarded him, I threw him aside one last time. I did so very harshly, so that when he looked at me, it would only be with hatred, or disappointment, or hurt. Any of those. Just so long as he no longer looked at me with a gaze full of love and adoration, it would be ok. Why would I do such a thing? Because... _

_Because he had finally worked out what that extra circuit in my spark had affected. He is... such an amazing scientist. It didn't take him long at all. He found what Megatron had done to me, and he told me as gently as he could. And after that, I found that I did not have the strength to love him - or, more accurately, the strength to lose him._

_You see... my spark had mutated. We knew this. I thought that all it had done was to emphasise the loss of sanity I had suffered since my depression after losing him. I was... I could not have been more wrong. It had mutated in such a way that it could no longer be destroyed; I was, all of a sudden, an immortal being. Even if my body should disintegrate, my soul would live on._

_It sounds like a blessing, doesn't it? It should have been. Perhaps it was, in the first few seconds after Skyfire told me. It meant that I no longer had to be afraid of death, so I could surely continue trying to dethrone Megatron without fear of his terminating me._

_But... what of my loved one? What of Skyfire? _He_ would still pass away. Over time, his body would crumble and his spark would fade away, and I... would be left alone. Dealing with the grief of losing Skyfire before had seriously unhinged me, and had led to a series of events that had driven me almost completely insane - and I had only had to cope for a couple of weeks before meeting Megatron. Before getting pulled into that all-consuming web of lies that almost destroyed me. How could I deal with that same grief for an eternity of existance? The very thought of it chilled me to the core, and I knew, if I had stayed with Skyfire, I would have had to cope with that upon his death. Even if we had shared many happy millennia together, I would have had to cope with that. It... would have torn me apart._

_So I ruthlessly quashed my feelings for him before they could grow any stronger. _

_... If I have one regret about that episode in my life, it is that I involved Skyfire. He did not deserve it. He didn't deserve that from anyone, let alone from me. He has given me more help over the years than any other robot I know, and I have in turn treated him more harshly and with more contempt than I have given any of my enemies. I wouldn't be surprised if he despises me now. Of all those who do hate me, who do wish me dead, he is the one whose feelings are most justifiable. But sometimes... __Sometimes I wish that I could have had the perfect life he had planned for us, and I see his kind face in my thoughts... and I smile._

_I see him sometimes. Every now and then. On the battlefield. He ignores me. It is as though I no longer exist to him. I... can cope with that. He is hurting, I accept that. And it is all my fault. All his pain is my fault. I thought he might hate me, but that is not in his character, not really. So I wonder if some part of him still thinks I can be redeemed. I wonder if he would ever try to rescue me again, if he would still be willing to sacrifice everything if it had a chance of helping me find happiness for just one day - but I know that, even if he did, I could never go with him. It would be too complicated. But I see him on the battlefield, every now and then, and I am by his side, even though we are now mortal enemies. Even when we are surrounded by gunfire and trying to kill each other, if I am by his side then that is enough for me. That is all that matters. That I am by his side. It is all I could want, all I could deserve._

_In the end, nothing changed. I uncovered a truth about myself that was horrifying and for a while I lost myself to revenge... but that is behind me. Life goes on. Time continues to pass, as it always must. At the time, I thought it was a life-changing revelation. I thought that I was finally leaving the Decepticons to be my own person again. To chase my own happiness. It _should_ have been a life-changing revelation. But, in the end, it changed nothing. Everything is the same as it was before. It is as though nothing happened, as though I had never left._

_It is... an empty existance. It is not happy, but at the same time it is not a bad life. Days pass. In the same monotonous way, the days pass._

_And... sometimes... when I go into stasis to recharge at night, I can see Skyfire. He smiles at me and he holds out his arms to me, and when I join him in a warm, secure embrace that now exists only in my memory chips... I am home again. The rest does not need to be said. No matter how empty this life, how many regrets I have, how much pain I have caused the only one who ever loved me for what I was instead of what I could be... in those moments of imagined, phantom contact, I find my peace. Nothing changes, but I am home again._

_Megatron is calling for me... I must go._

_Perhaps, some day, I will find a way to destroy my spark and reach death. Hopefully, it will be soon. It is not that I wish for termination - I am far too proud for that, and I still fear the unknown, I fear what happens to souls after they die. But I do long for mortality, to be a destructable being again. Because then I might be able to go to Skyfire, to love him and then to die with him. I would not have to continue without him when he was gone. We could have our perfect friendship - if he would still accept me, after all I have done. Perhaps. _

_I am a Decepticon warrior. That has not changed. I am a Decepticon warrior and when Megatron calls for me, I go to him, and I fight for him. Megatron has a power over me that I cannot understand. But it is Skyfire and not Megatron who holds my home in his arms and my love in his heart._

_The rest... is silence._


End file.
